Trying to explain PTSD to other people was one of the most difficult challenges in my recovery journey.
I found it difficult to explain to those I was closest to, especially right after I was diagnosed in 2006. (Curious if your trauma symptoms are related to PTSD? Take this FREE PTSD Quiz to find out!)
That is why I especially love these two resources – video and booklet! Excellent!
Explain PTSD With a Video
This video is great. The only problem is that it looks like there’s nothing here except the play button (lol). Press play and it will make sense.
Or Explain PTSD With a Booklet
Understanding PTSD and PTSD Treatment is a great resource for covering all kinds of basic information about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, including:
Definitions Causes Symptoms Screening and Diagnosis Treatment
PTSD Basics grew out of my deep anger about how trauma survivors are treated, especially when they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There’s no official protocol for treatment and information after a diagnosis, so I made one.
PTSD Basics is a series of 8 sessions, offered virtually on Zoom and in-person (in Milwaukie, Oregon). These sessions provide valuable information and wisdom from a trauma survivor and trauma recovery coach who has overcome PTSD symptoms (this is an excellent pre-requisite for PTSD Remediation).
These sessions are offered one-on-one, but if you’ve got friends you want to work with in this area, let’s talk, I’m open to and certified for small group work.
Eleven-year-old me looked in the mirror and said, “I’m going to get out of here. I’m going to go to college and be a teacher. I’m going to have a different life.”
Ages 10 and 11 was the height of my sexual abuse. I was obviously a planner – I have thought over the years about 10 and 11 year old Kelly, why she didn’t tell anyone about the alcoholism and varieties of abuse, why she chose to plan for the future instead.
But that was the 80s and I was an Army brat, living on a base in the middle of Germany at the time – people didn’t talk about stuff like that. But I did get out and I was a teacher and I am having a different life, stopping cycles of abuse.
Last night I went to a reading at Literary Arts, and I saw my writing-and-soul-sister friends, some I haven’t seen in months. We talked about how we were doing vs what (keeping up on each other on FB is for the “what”), and I surprised myself with my honesty (I don’t have the energy for anything else).
“I’m feeling a bit lost,” I said. “Personally. Professionally. But not in a negative way. I feel at peace about it.”
This morning, with this “eleven-year-old self” reflection, it makes sense. I’ve always planned my way through the hard stuff (twss), known where I was going, what I was doing. Had an end goal – or set of goals – in mind. Stuck to a schedule and regimented routines and did “all the right things.”
That’s not how any of this works. At least, not anymore.
This is the first time in my life where I simply do not have a plan.
In my mind’s eye, I survey the vast murkiness of possibilities with openness and curiosity and not a little bit of anxiety but also excitement. I’ve not traveled these waters before.
Where will I be in 5 years? No idea. What will I write about next? No clue. What will I do with my websites and advocacy and comedy? How well am I parenting my boys through their teen years as a divorced mom? Ha! Oh dear.
Not that I want to give up on any of it, I don’t. I’m making eleven-year-old me proud.
Ways to Celebrate PTSD Awareness Month Every Day in June
kellywilsonwrites
31 May, 2023
As a trauma survivor who used to have PTSD*, June is a special month for me.
I wrote at length recently about what pisses me off about PTSD treatment if you are a civilian. The VA does a decent job with educating people and providing services, but what if your trauma isn’t from serving our country?
We might not even know we have PTSD, and if we have not served in the military, it might be the last place we’d think to look if we had questions about this condition. (Curious if your trauma symptoms are related to PTSD? Take this FREE PTSD Quiz to find out!)
BUT…this is what we’ve got. And the VA has produced good resources, especially for the month of June. This month’s series of blog posts will be highlighting what’s offered!
There might be many reasons that we aren’t able to process it. For instance, we might have come out of an abusive childhood where we had to be shut down in order to survive, which results in complex trauma responses and PTSD. Or there might be a regional or global catastrophe – like September 11th, Hurricane Katrina, or a pandemic – that affects a large population with little to no resources for processing the trauma.
About 5 out of every 100 adults (or 5%) in the U.S. has PTSD in any given year.
PTSD Awareness: Four Main Symptoms
The thing about PTSD is that the symptoms show up when they show up. They can occur soon after a traumatic event, or can be delayed by months, years, or decades.
For instance, my symptoms didn’t kick in hard until I was 32; part of the delay was that I started intensive therapy and became more aware of what my brain and body were doing.
There are four types of symptoms with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: *Memories – these can be experienced as nightmares and/or “waking dreams” or flashbacks. They can be like reliving the event or experiencing the emotions and feelings of the event. Triggers are big here.
*Avoidance – In my trauma and PTSD recovery journey, avoidance has a HUGE symptom. Avoiding talking about, remembering, people, and places that reminded me of my traumatic events. For instance, I used to avoid large crowds and a lot of stimuli, because I got very easily overwhelmed and/or triggered.
*Negative Thoughts & Feelings – Oomph. This is the one that is the most painful for me, but I’ve experienced the most transformation. Feeling numb, being unable to talk about the trauma, having big holes in your memory, and guilt and shame go here.
*Startled – I was exceptionally easy to startle when I had PTSD. This is also called hyperarousal. Feeling irritable or jittery, developing addictions, and having a hard time concentrating and/or sleeping is part of this symptom.
Side Note: What’s a Trigger?
Here’s an example: I go into a room. I smell Aqua Velva after shave. The smell puts me right back when I was seven years old, with my abusive father. I can’t breathe. I scan the room for danger and exits. My body panics and I feel nauseous. Full-on nervous system activation.
A trigger is when something jolts you into a visual or emotional flashback, like you are back in the trauma. It’s your fire alarm system going off when there is the memory of a fire, but you are in no danger.
Basically, our warning system is stuck in the ON position (PTSD Remediation resets our systems back into a more “normal” function).
Behold! The PTSD Awareness Calendar
I love this calendar because every day has a resource with a clickable link. Some of the info is for survivors like us, while some is to share far and wide.
If you tap on the pic of the calendar, it will take you to the downloadable (and clickable!) version. Enjoy spreading the word about PTSD and raising awareness!
*USED to have PTSD? Yep. My last PTSD trigger was September 26, 2020. I went through PTSD Remediation and now I offer this treatment to clients. You can read more about PTSD Remediation here.
Buckle up. The list of what pisses me off about PTSD Treatment is LONG.
Just in case you’re new here: Welcome. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by my father, along with emotional neglect and varied abuses at the hands of both parents. My parents also had alcohol use disorder and/or problem drinking. Growing up with them was traumatic.
I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression, and anxiety in 2006. I was 31 years old, married for 11 years and mothering two young children.
Which brings me to my first beef with the treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
My First Beef With PTSD Treatment
There is no official treatment protocol or space for those of us with PTSD who are not under the care of the VA.
I don’t have any beef with active or retired military getting PTSD treatment – I am, in fact, an Army brat. However, people don’t know about PTSD outside of the context of the military. EVEN THOSE OF US WHO HAVE IT.
For instance, I was really open about my PTSD. I would talk about it whenever I wanted, and people would respond, “Oh, what branch of the military did you serve with?”
“I didn’t,” I would say. “I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.”
The Flinch. Right behind her eyes. Not because she was a terrible person or anything, but because she didn’t expect me to say anything like that. She thought that the only people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder were those in the military – and those people are most likely male. That is the most common information people have about this disorder.
Erasing The Flinch, Sweatpants & Coffee
Once I started saying it, I couldn’t stop. I refused to stop. I had lived with secrets my entire life, I would not do it anymore.
Trauma Survivors Know Next to Nothing About PTSD
At no fault of their own.
I know I didn’t. And I come from privilege, in that I’m a white, cis-het woman with a college degree and I’ve had health insurance most of my life.
I meet with individuals every day who know they want to change the ways in which they respond to life, but don’t know how. They have extensive trauma, most from childhood.
We work together for a little bit, and I ask, “Do you know if you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?”
There’s a thoughtful pause. Answers include, “I think so” or “Someone told me that I might” or “I might have heard that from the therapist/doctor/friend/pastor.”
My next question is, “How do you experience PTSD triggers?”
Another pause. “I don’t know. What are those like?”
Some – I would say, MOST – trauma survivors have lived with PTSD for YEARS without information, direction, or help. I believed for years that PTSD was a mental illness. It’s not. PTSD is a psychological trauma that can be physiologically healed. I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH BY ACCIDENT.
(Side note: Curious if your trauma symptoms are related to PTSD? Take this FREE PTSD Quiz to find out!)
OH THAT PISSES ME RIGHT OFF, see the example below ~
PTSD Treatment? If You Can Find It
I compare PTSD treatment for the average person to that same person breaking a leg.
This person breaks a leg. Goes to the ER or their doctor, where they receive an examination.
Time for an x-ray! Results are evaluated. Treatment is prescribed, including an immediate cast. Instructions are given for taking care of the injury at home. Follow-up appointments are made, and further physical therapy is arranged if needed. Treatment is given for days, weeks, sometimes months.
Okay, so now this same individual is diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
That’s it. That’s the story.
What about treatment, you ask? <shrug> The message is, “They’ll figure it out.”
Are there books and videos and meds and options? Sure. But the trauma survivor has to find everything, do everything, try and make appointments while living with a debilitating condition – with or without insurance – with providers who are stretched thin and doing their best without a protocol to start with.
That Is IT! I’m Providing PTSD Basics
As a trauma recovery coach and PTSD survivor, it didn’t take long for me to realize that many individuals have similar experiences with PTSD diagnoses and treatment.
(Oh that pisses me right off)
So I’m making one. I’ve created a PTSD educational protocol.
What’s in it? The basics.
Stuff that I’ve learned over years and years, thanks to a combination of mental health professionals, reading, research, experience, and plain old accident.
Conflict is where my trauma makes its strongest appearance.
Conflict is where all of my attachment wounds show up. Where my feelings of “not good enough” bubble up, along with feeling “blamed” and “unloveable.” Wanting desperately to be seen and heard. Not knowing how to navigate my Big Feelings and articulate what I feel and need.
Not always. But sometimes. And this has bubbled up for me lately in a big way, thanks to (drumroll please) The DIY Bathroom Remodel, aka The Thing That Squashed My Trauma Recovery Skills (LOL).
Not One Thing – Several Things
Okay, yes, I exaggerate a little in that The DIY Bathroom Remodel was not the ONLY thing that was attributing to my feeling overloaded (To be fair, it had been going on for 8 weeks, and my husband and I both had pneumonia during this period of time).
There was the impending graduation of the youngest kid in our family. Navigating the second year of Map Your Healing Journey, and I’ve not owned a business before. Learning how to take care of myself while doing trauma and grief recovery work, which I enjoy immensely. Mother’s Day, during which my grief really likes to be processed, and I don’t necessarily want to process it during the beginning of May as the warm weather returns.
So yeah, A LOT of stuff going on to contribute to the straw that broke my camel’s back.
The Straw of The Conflict
The DIY Bathroom Remodel was completed on a Tuesday evening.
At bedtime that night, I walked into our bedroom, turned on the lamp, and promptly spilled a glass of water onto the floor.
Cue BURSTING into tears (it wasn’t even milk!).
Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to see what was happening in real time. This is the value of Trauma Recovery, I tell you what – seeing, identifying, and processing emotion in real time.
In the moments that followed the spilled water, I realized that I had been feeling the pressure of *everything,* and I had been – in a sense – holding my breath. I felt like I had been holding my breath both physically and emotionally for two months.
Just hang on until *this* is done. Just hold on until *this* is over.
The *this* varies, for sure, but the response is the same. Knuckle down. No time to feel. Don’t process right now. Go numb.
Not a healthy place to camp out – emotionally or physically – and all of that stuff comes up in relationships regardless of whether or not we are ready and/or willing to process it. That’s where conflict comes in.
My Tears Turned into Conflict
So I spilled the water.
Then I went into the living room and said, “I spilled the glass of water on YOUR nightstand. Clean up your crap.”
Not a great move.
He responded with something like, “The spilled water is not my fault.”
In my trauma brain, this translated into, “EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT.” Conflict is where my trauma makes its strongest appearance. We traded insults a couple more times – not our finest choices.
It was 11 pm, and we were both exhausted after a long day/week/month/year. This absolutely did not help.
I had TWO MONTHS of repressed emotions and feelings and thoughts and stressors. Sometimes survival mode is necessary, that’s why it exists.
I ended up crying for at least an hour. Full meltdown mode.
Fortunately, my husband remembered to take a step back, observe, not take this personally, and sat with me. He listened while I spilled out words and feelings and tears. We talked about the last couple of months, the realities and challenges.
Sometimes, this is how conflict happens. Conflict can be messy.
But guess what? Conflict is healthy. I would even say that conflict is necessary.
Specific Conflict Tips That Help Me
If you get more than one person in a space for a long enough time, there’s going to be conflict.
After this DIY Bathroom Remodel, I can *totally* see why house projects are extra stressful on couples. Add in three weeks of pneumonia, both of us with full-time jobs, a household to run, kids, pets – the list goes on.
As a trauma survivor, though, conflict is TOUGH. I have done a TON of work to identify conflicts as they happen, identify and acknowledge my trauma responses, sort out my feelings, communicate my feelings and needs, and come to a resolution.
Conflicts that used to take hours or days now take minutes. Here are some conflict tips that have helped me immensely.
These crabs are cracking me up…PUN INTENDED
*Practice realizing that when somebody comes at you, it is not about you. Online or in-person.
*Don’t make decisions or have serious conversations later at night. Our brains are best earlier in the day for decisions and stuff, and then they get tired.
*Don’t listen to the inner critic, kindly tell them to shut it. Night is not the time to figure out your life.
*Learn how to recognize a trauma response bubbling up in a conflict. Then STOP the conversation by telling the other person that you are having a trauma response that needs your attention. Make a specific time to come back to the conversation.
I have learned that you *can* in fact go to bed with mixed feelings, even anger. Nothing bad will happen to you. Your relationship will not disintegrate overnight. In fact, take as many breaks as needed, and communicate those break times.
*Work on regulating yourself and processing your emotions and feelings, especially if you can’t sleep (I’ve had a lot of experience with this part, lol).
*Practice being curious about the source of the conflict, for yourself and the other person. Sometimes, the source is different for each person.
Put a pin in whatever it is, sleep, and tackle it again tomorrow with a clearer head and heart.
The Trigger Factor
Just because conflict is healthy and necessary and helps relationships and aids in your emotional growth does not take (what I call) The Trigger Factor away.
For those of us who grew up in abusive families, conflict was not even a thing. Starting or participating in conflict lead to pain. As kids, we were trying to survive, and people-pleasing, being quiet (unseen and unheard), and not having any needs allowed us to do that.
One of the most valuable things I’ve realized is that conflict is – most of the time – not personal. Realizing this does not mean that conflict won’t be triggering.
I have made many mistakes and have apologized many times for hurting my partner. I have vastly improved my conflict skills and have learned to avoid my personal pitfalls.
But I have also learned, in a safe and loving relationship, how much easier conflict can be than how I grew up.
These are the benefits of working on trauma and grief recovery.
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