I recently sat at dinner with a group of new friends. They were so new that I made it awkward, in a pretty hilarious way.

One of the people said, “It’s so nice to meet you.” And I replied, “I know.”

My statement was followed by, “OMG. WHAT DID I JUST SAY?”

I hope you laughed. I did. I’m STILL laughing about it.

Later at dinner with these new friends, I sat next to a person who freely shared with me all kinds of things. I love this. People tell me stuff all the time that they would never tell anyone else, because instinctively they know I can handle it (I think).

Anyway, this person said, “If I didn’t wake up tomorrow, I’d be okay with that.”

I nodded. “I hear this a lot,” I said. And I do. In fact, I heard that sentiment twice more in the 48 hours since that conversation. And I think we need to talk about it.

Why We Have Suicidal Thoughts

As a comedy teacher who focuses on mental illness, trauma, and grief, I know that my comedy classes are really going well when someone starts writing jokes about suicide.

Why? Because for many of us, talking about suicide is the Final Taboo. The last thing in a list of stigmatized thoughts and ideas that we are NOT “supposed” to talk about, much less think about.

Bring up the word “suicide” in a public place, and most people are going to freak out. At best, they will look like a deer in the headlights. However, the reality is that we ALL have suicidal thoughts at one time or another.

Why? Because trauma and grief are painful. Because we’re not taught HOW to process our trauma and grief experiences. When trauma and grief experiences are not processed, they build on one another, and when a new experience happens, the old feelings are triggered. Compounded grief. Compounded trauma.

All of this can feel OVERWHELMING, to understate the obvious. OVERWHELMINGLY PAINFUL.

And unlike a headache, there’s no ibuprofen we can take to ease the pain. What usually eases the short-term pain can become devastatingly harmful, like alcohol and drugs and other coping mechanisms.

These coping mechanisms will work until they don’t. The only thing that works is processing the trauma and grief experiences.

Since we don’t have healthy ways to deal with the pain, we consider the extreme solution to end the pain. Because suicide is rarely about wanting to die; thoughts like these are about making the pain stop.

Why I Am Not Afraid to Talk About Suicidal Thoughts

I’m not afraid of this subject just like I’m not afraid to talk about headaches or sex or feelings or anything else. I’m *that person* who isn’t afraid to talk about anything.

Having suicidal thoughts flit through your mind is like that old saying about opinions and buttholes. Everyone’s got one. I know, real professional, but hang with me for a moment.

When it comes to suicidal thoughts, we’ve all got them and we’ve made them this big shameful thing by not talking about them openly.

Guess what? Shame grows in the dark. Let’s bring our shame into the light. With a healthy, large dose of compassion and the light, the shame will die.

Common Suicidal Thoughts

I’ve noticed over the last decade that suicidal thoughts express themselves in common ways. Here are examples of what people say to me and thoughts I have had throughout my trauma and grief recovery journey:

“If I were to go to sleep and not wake up, I would be fine with that.”
“I am looking forward to the end of the world.”
“I believe Jesus is coming soon and we will all go to a better place.”
“Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to ‘X’.” – X meaning drive into a tree, jump out of a window, stuff like this

When I have these kinds of thoughts, they cause red flags to wave and alarm bells to go off in my mind. These thoughts are a signal in my own mental health wellness plan that my mental health is sliding and I have needs to be addressed.

What Can You Do About Suicidal Thoughts?

The thing about suicidal thoughts is that they are a signal that something inside of you needs attention. Like any other emotion in our bodies or feelings and thoughts in our minds. I know that many of us respond with fear to thoughts of suicide, and I think that’s good – this is a signal that we care. Take the hint from your brain and body and deal with what’s going on, sooner than later. Here are some ways to do that.

Take These Thoughts Seriously – As a trauma survivor, I know first-hand what it’s like to minimize my traumatic experiences and the affects they’ve had on me. I also know what it’s like to take myself seriously. Don’t compare with others. YOUR NEEDS MATTER.

Make a Wellness Plan – Create a wellness plan and hang it on the refrigerator or by the door, and put a copy in your phone. Write it so that you or a loved one can act on it should it be needed. Start with, “When I feel this way, I need…”

Share the Wellness Plan – Choose a couple of safe friends or family members who can help put the Wellness Plan in place when needed. Give these people a copy and/or show them where yours is kept.

In an Emergency or Crisis, Talk to Someone – I have called the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline a few times. I have not regretted it. Put the number in your phone. It is 1-800-273-8255. In mid-July 2022, the three-digit number will be 988. To text, send HELLO to 741741.

Find Local Resources – Many counties have behavioral health centers and clinics. Look these up and have these numbers in your phone, as well. Calling or going to one of these clinics can feel more comfortable than going to the Emergency Room in a crisis. Add this to your Wellness Plan.

Prevention is Worth the Time and Attention

The thing about suicidal thoughts is that they are a signal that something inside of you needs attention. You don’t need to wait for a sign to prevent a mental health crisis. Think about your mental health like 6-month dental appointments or physicals with your doctor. I strongly believe that suicidal thoughts would be less common if we had the tools we need to take care of our mental health in a preventative way.

I’m here to help, and would love to talk with you. Book a free Discovery Call and let’s chat.

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