Fall is here 🍁. And with it, warmer light, shorter days, rainy weather, changing leaves…

And my allergies, which flared up a lot over the last two weeks.

This time of year is my favorite. My wedding anniversary is in October, and we were married on a cliff in Vermont, surrounded on all sides – and even underneath us! – by blankets of colorful leaves. I love to joke about Scorpio Season, as I was born in November and Scorpios have such *terrible* and entertaining reputations. In my menopausal state, the cooler temperatures and softer sunlight make me incredibly happy and less sweaty.

BUT, Fall is also my season of depression. Instead of all year long, as in the past, my depression flares a bit during the year and then settles in around the end of October until the beginning of January.

Let me tell you why this is a good thing.

Fall Means Going Fallow

In 2017, I was introduced to the word “fallow.”

A Big Thing happened that re-traumatized me, and I could not write.

I was a copywriter by trade. I wrote every single day of my life. By now, I have hundreds of articles published, as well as three books, because I’ve been a writer for 20+ years.

At that time, I could barely write enough to keep my job.

I felt like I was drowning, my lifeline had been cut and I had no discernible way to make it back to shore.

I worried that I would never be able to write again. When crying and breathing and talking with friends, one friend said, “Maybe this isn’t permanent. Maybe you’re going through a fallow season.”

Immediately, I looked up what “fallow” meant, and this is what I discovered.

What Fallow Means

I like to sit on my back porch and look out at this garden plot.

I let it go fallow over the last year.

During the pandemic, I built it up, tilled, dug, planted, watered, and weeded. There were sunflowers taller than the fence, and other annuals decorated the borders. Tomatoes, onions, peppers, and basil all grew bright and beautiful, as well as other vegetables and plants.

Now, though, it looks…empty. Weedy and dirty and not that impressive at all.

Last Spring, I practiced radical acceptance about how I had neither the time, capacity, or skill-set to do what I wanted to do back there. Plus, I have a young pup who likes to dig, and I could not manage it all.

And I was okay with that, because here is what I know.

Letting ground rest is part of a cycle.

If you look up “fallow,” you may see the word “unproductive” –

On the contrary.

Going fallow doesn’t mean that *nothing* is happening.

There’s A LOT happening underneath those weeds that we DON’T see.

What Going Fallow in the Fall Gives Us

Allowing ourselves to go fallow gives us time and space to restore nutrients, rebuild what has been broken down, and to restfully integrate.

It’s slower and quieter, but a lot of stuff is happening. Embracing going fallow is an act of allowing ourselves to INTEGRATE all of the work we’ve been doing and all that we have experienced in the last several years.

If you are in a quiet fallow time, this time and space for a deep breath. For feeling. For grief.

Going fallow may feel uncomfortable because our culture puts so much emphasis on productivity. And for many of us, busy-ness and productivity are comfortable trauma responses.

This is an opportunity to make an important and needed shift. To lean in instead of push away, practicing curiosity and self-compassion as we integrate. Time and space to think and feel and talk and move energy.

To give yourself this grace and time is a gift.

P.S. Do I Mean Stop Working on Trauma & Grief?

Nope. I don’t think it works that way, anyway – it all just bubbles up.

What I mean is that The Work might look and feel differently during the Fall and Winter, or whenever our slower times happen to be.

That we can allow ourselves freedom to feel and process those feelings in ways that feel uncomfortable because we’re not used to them. Slower and more gentle.

Quieter and with a bit more darkness.

But that’s okay, because like the seasons, the light will come again in this cycle.

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