Do You Have a Happy Place?

kellywilsonwrites

24 Oct, 2023

On specific weekends this Fall, I am taking classes to be certified to work with adolescents, where I was reminded about finding my Happy Place.

(Okay, humor me for a moment. When I’m done with this certification, my new title to add to my knowledge and wisdom is Certified Adolescent Support Specialist, or… Certified ASS! LOLOLOL SO APPROPRIATE FOR WORKING WITH 13 TO 21 YEAR OLDS).

Thank you for indulging me. Onward!

Finding My Happy Place

It was during one of my classes for adolescent certification that we spent time finding our happy places.

I had forgotten about this valuable way to meditate. I like it for a number of reasons:

It gives my brain something to do while I’m calming my nervous system
I can go to my happy place at any time or place
I’m fully in control of creating and changing this space
This is a meditation style that is easy to access when my nervous system feels activated
This method helps change my brain by marinating in positive thoughts and feelings
This is a great alternative to dissociation

Why a Happy Place?

Meditation can be tough for trauma survivors for a number of reasons – deep breathing feels uncomfortable, being quiet and still can result in panicky feelings, hypervigilance is difficult to navigate, and more.

One of my issues when learning how to meditate was that it – quite simply – freaked me out.

I had spent so much time and energy learning how to NOT dissociate, and at first, meditating felt like dissociating.

It took me a bit of practice and inner soothing to grasp that the difference is that with dissociation, my trauma responses are in control, but with practicing meditation, *I* am in control.

And that’s what I love about this practice most of all – I am in control. YOU are in control. We are building safety inside ourselves.

A Recording to Explore Your Own Place

So how do you get started with your own Happy Place?

Here’s a video I made, leading an exercise that allows you to put yourself in your own happy place and start building.

What are the rules? The only rule is that there are no rules.

This place is fully safe and fully yours. Make it what you want. Practice going there.

And when you find yourself feeling activated, distressed, or in pain, breathe deeply and return there.

(OKAY, SIDE NOTE: LOOK AT THIS THUMBNAIL THAT GOOGLE CHOSE. I cannot with this. I’m laughing so hard right now. I’m NOT going to change it. Ah, well. Who needs to be socially acceptable, anyway? Clearly, not me.)

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kellywilsonwrites

12 Oct, 2023

Blog

This week has been a tough one for me process feelings. World, community, and personal events have combined, leading to moments of intense emotions.

I Had to Practice What I Preach and Process Feelings

Part of what I love about the work that I do in trauma, PTSD, and grief recovery is that I have to practice what I preach. I don’t recommend or suggest anything that I haven’t tried myself, so that means I get to try A LOT of stuff.

I sat with my husband in my car on October 11th, our second wedding anniversary. This is also the day that – one year ago – a dear friend of ours died after a long illness.

It is a weird day, full of a lot of intense emotions, many feelings that seem to contradict each other.

I sat in the car with my husband on the afternoon of this weirdly charged day, and I felt waves of grief and joy wash over me.

IT WAS A LOT. But here is what I observed:

I didn’t lash out at anyone or judge myself or pretend the emotions and feelings weren’t happening. I didn’t run away or distract or hide.

In fact, I made this video.

The Four S’s to Process Feelings

Text with four boxes, one blue and number 1, one orange and number 2, one green and number 3 and one yellow and number 4. First box - Sense, Second - Sit, Third - State, Fourth - Soothe. (C) 2023 Kelly Wilson, CTRC-I, Map Your Healing Journey

The next day, I was driving to meet clients in my office. Finding myself thinking about those intense emotional moments, I realized that I did four things that were good for my brain and body, and these things all started with the letter S.

I’m a teacher (ten years with older elementary and junior high), and I LOVE a good acronym or system for remembering information.

Doing ANY of these S’s is a GIFT to your brain and nervous system.

Sense – Our physical bodies sense emotions long before our brains do. It’s important to sense that something emotionally based is happening in your body, and what different emotions and feelings can feel like.

Sit – This is a tough one. I practice this a lot with clients, because it can be easier to sit with tough feelings with a safe person. In the past, I have fought, lashed out, hid, distracted, and run away from sitting with the emotions and feelings as they crash over me. Now I am more apt to notice the sensations and then sit with them for a little while. This takes practice.

Don’t Give Up! Keep Going

State – For me, this is a stream of consciousness exercise. I start with the physical sensations that I notice, and then name the associated feelings. I state what’s happening OUT LOUD whether another person is there or not, because our brains trust the sound of our voice. This is also where emotional energy moves for me, typically I cry.

Soothe – This is an important skill. Think of it like soothing a hurt animal or child or your inner child. Drink water, have a snack, build a blanket fort. Curl up with something warm, like a blanket or bowl of soup or a cup of tea.

I want to point out again that doing ANY of these S’s is a GIFT to your brain and nervous system. You don’t have to “get it right” or “be perfect” or any of that. Practice what feels safe.

Create Your Own Trigger Toolkit to Soothe and Process Feelings

We live in a culture that values distraction over processing. These activities can include things that are used to block trauma: sex, drinking, food, the usual suspects.

Instead of trying to distract with things that – much of the time – can make us feel worse or just tamp down those feelings, try using alternatives from a Trigger Toolkit.

Here’s a Trigger Toolkit that you can download and personalize for your own intense emotional events.

Creating a Trigger Toolkit | Trauma & Grief Recovery | Map Your Healing Journey Download

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Two Free and Easy PTSD & CPTSD Apps

kellywilsonwrites

8 Oct, 2023

I ran across a couple of PTSD and CPTSD apps that look helpful, free, and easy.

Why apps? Because it’s important to track symptoms and emotions, gain valuable information about your triggers and what you can do about them, and find support.

Plus, many of us already have our phones with us most of the time. What better way to use them than with PTSD and CPTSD recovery?

While these were created by the VA for current and past military servicemembers, this resource is easy to access for civilians as well. They are all very highly rated in both app stores, just be aware that they probably contain information that doesn’t apply to you if you are not in the military.

The First PTSD & CPTSD App

Created by VA’s National Center for PTSD and DoD’s National Center for Telehealth & Technology, PTSD Coach was designed for Veterans and military Servicemembers who have, or may have, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

This app provides users with education about PTSD, information about professional care, a self-assessment for PTSD, opportunities to find support, and tools that can help users manage the stresses of daily life with PTSD. Tools range from relaxation skills and positive self-talk to anger management and other common self-help strategies. Users can customize tools based on their preferences and can integrate their own contacts, photos, and music. This app can be used by people who are in treatment as well as those who are not.

Find this app in the Google Play Store and the Apple Store

The Second PTSD & CPTSD App

Safety Plan is here to help you make a plan for dealing with thoughts of suicide and self-harm. The app will walk you through filling out the 6 steps of a safety plan, share your safety plan with your loved ones, and use your safety plan in a moment of crisis. The app also includes audio and interactive tools to help you calm down, information for you and your loved ones about safety plans and suicide, mood tracking, and ready access to crisis support.

Safety Plan is a U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs app, developed by the National Center for PTSD Dissemination and Training Division and the Office of Mental Health and Suicide Prevention.

Find this app in the Google Play and Apple Store

And ONE EXTRA PTSD App for family members ~

PTSD Family Coach is for family members of those living with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The app provides extensive information about PTSD, how to take care of yourself, how to take care of your relationship with your loved one or with children, and how to help your loved one get the treatment they deserve. The app also provides a great deal of information that is specific to Veterans and active duty members of the military.

Living with a family member who has PTSD can be incredibly stressful, and PTSD Family Coach includes 24 unique tools to help you manage this stress, including mindfulness exercises, tools to help you re-build your social networks, and tools to help with difficult thoughts and emotions you may be experiencing. The app also provides a way for you to track your stress level over time, using scientifically valid measures, and can provide specific feedback about your progress. Finally, PTSD Family Coach offers a number of ways for you, and your loved one, to connect with support.

PTSD Family Coach was created by VA’s National Center for PTSD and DoD’s National Center for Telehealth & Technology.

Find this app in the Google Pla y and Apple Store.

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Sign up here to get a free copy of Five Things Every Trauma Survivor Needs to Know AND

61 Tips About the Grief Experience.

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I offer one-on-one sessions, groups, PTSD Remediation, and classes. Appointments are offered in-person and online.

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My Best Speaking Headshot Video

kellywilsonwrites

4 Oct, 2023

So I’m speaking at the upcoming (free for a limited time) Healing Trauma summit and a few other places coming up.

I got into speaking and comedy about 13 years ago, and I’ve got some headshots and videos from previous gigs.

I was going through my files and I found what HAS to be the FUNNIEST thumbnail I’ve EVER SEEN in my journey of speaking about all things trauma, ptsd, and grief recovery.

It makes me laugh so hard. And laughter equals more happy hormones, am I right? I hope you enjoy this as much as I do!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kelly Wilson (she/her) (@map_your_healing_journey)

I DIDN’T EVEN POST THAT PICTURE!!!

WHAT THE HECK, MAN?

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Fall Means Darker Days, and This is Good

kellywilsonwrites

2 Oct, 2023

Fall is here 🍁. And with it, warmer light, shorter days, rainy weather, changing leaves…

And my allergies, which flared up a lot over the last two weeks.

This time of year is my favorite. My wedding anniversary is in October, and we were married on a cliff in Vermont, surrounded on all sides – and even underneath us! – by blankets of colorful leaves. I love to joke about Scorpio Season, as I was born in November and Scorpios have such *terrible* and entertaining reputations. In my menopausal state, the cooler temperatures and softer sunlight make me incredibly happy and less sweaty.

BUT, Fall is also my season of depression. Instead of all year long, as in the past, my depression flares a bit during the year and then settles in around the end of October until the beginning of January.

Let me tell you why this is a good thing.

Fall Means Going Fallow

In 2017, I was introduced to the word “fallow.”

A Big Thing happened that re-traumatized me, and I could not write.

I was a copywriter by trade. I wrote every single day of my life. By now, I have hundreds of articles published, as well as three books, because I’ve been a writer for 20+ years.

At that time, I could barely write enough to keep my job.

I felt like I was drowning, my lifeline had been cut and I had no discernible way to make it back to shore.

I worried that I would never be able to write again. When crying and breathing and talking with friends, one friend said, “Maybe this isn’t permanent. Maybe you’re going through a fallow season.”

Immediately, I looked up what “fallow” meant, and this is what I discovered.

What Fallow Means

A garden plot with a light brown fence on the right side and a dark brown fence in the back. Chain fencing on the other two sides. Weeds and scruff cover the ground. In the background are blue and red plastic adirondack chairs and a picnic table.

I like to sit on my back porch and look out at this garden plot.

I let it go fallow over the last year.

During the pandemic, I built it up, tilled, dug, planted, watered, and weeded. There were sunflowers taller than the fence, and other annuals decorated the borders. Tomatoes, onions, peppers, and basil all grew bright and beautiful, as well as other vegetables and plants.

Now, though, it looks…empty. Weedy and dirty and not that impressive at all.

Last Spring, I practiced radical acceptance about how I had neither the time, capacity, or skill-set to do what I wanted to do back there. Plus, I have a young pup who likes to dig, and I could not manage it all.

And I was okay with that, because here is what I know.

Letting ground rest is part of a cycle.

If you look up “fallow,” you may see the word “unproductive” –

On the contrary.

Going fallow doesn’t mean that *nothing* is happening.

There’s A LOT happening underneath those weeds that we DON’T see.

What Going Fallow in the Fall Gives Us

A garden plot with weeds and scruff covering the ground. A blue and copper garden decoration is on the left side. On the right side of the graphic, text reads, "Fallow means to disrupt old cycles, recovery and restore, and integrate change." Bottom text reads, Kelly Wilson, CTRC, Trauma & Grief Recovery, Mapyourhealing.com

Allowing ourselves to go fallow gives us time and space to restore nutrients, rebuild what has been broken down, and to restfully integrate.

It’s slower and quieter, but a lot of stuff is happening. Embracing going fallow is an act of allowing ourselves to INTEGRATE all of the work we’ve been doing and all that we have experienced in the last several years.

If you are in a quiet fallow time, this time and space for a deep breath. For feeling. For grief.

Going fallow may feel uncomfortable because our culture puts so much emphasis on productivity. And for many of us, busy-ness and productivity are comfortable trauma responses.

This is an opportunity to make an important and needed shift. To lean in instead of push away, practicing curiosity and self-compassion as we integrate. Time and space to think and feel and talk and move energy.

To give yourself this grace and time is a gift.

P.S. Do I Mean Stop Working on Trauma & Grief?

Nope. I don’t think it works that way, anyway – it all just bubbles up.

What I mean is that The Work might look and feel differently during the Fall and Winter, or whenever our slower times happen to be.

That we can allow ourselves freedom to feel and process those feelings in ways that feel uncomfortable because we’re not used to them. Slower and more gentle.

Quieter and with a bit more darkness.

But that’s okay, because like the seasons, the light will come again in this cycle.