Three Pay-It-Forward Mental Health Holiday Specials

kellywilsonwrites

14 Nov, 2022

One of my love languages is giving gifts (another is Tacos), so I love offering Mental Health Holiday Specials.

Some people say, “Don’t offer discounts, it cheapens what you offer.”

I disagree.

I LOVE a deal. When someone gets me a gift and tells me how little they spent because they got a great deal, this is part of the gift!

There are additional good reasons for these specials.

These specials are fun. I mean, GIRD YOUR LOINS FOR THE HOLIDAYS! Who says that? I do, because I think it’s funny. Also, getting some extra support over the holidays might be just what you need.
Accessibility and affordability are important. People might want to try working in trauma and grief recovery but price is an obstacle. These specials can help. Trauma work is slow work, every step counts.
I need the practice. I’m pretty good, but I can be a better trauma and grief recovery coach. What helps people get better at something? Practice!
And last but not least, I want to offer them. Full stop.

Here are three Pay-It-Forward Mental Health Holiday Specials!

The Turkey Day Tell All

This mental health holiday special is based on my very entertaining real-life experience. Enjoy this 1-minute silent film (LOL) that I made about this special.

This deal is from 11/25 – 11/30! Go here for more details about this special!

Invest in a Turkey Day Tell All Appointment

Gird Your Loins for the Holidays!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…right?

Yes. No. Maybe. Sometimes.

Regardless, the holidays give us the opportunity to face challenges in new ways.

What can we talk about during this appointment?

*Talk through plans and make decisions
*Identify and process tough situations and relationships
*Problem solve
*Vent frustrations
*Explore coping strategies for trauma and grief
*Build skills – like gratitude – that don’t make you gag
*Prepare boundaries and scripts

…and more! Go here for more info about this special!

Invest in Girding Your Loins for the Holidays!

Pay it Forward Starter Package

It’s important to me that people get the help that they need. I have benefited from scholarships and pay-what-you-can opportunities in the past, and I like to keep that going in my own life.

Pay It Forward Starter Package – 3 appointments for a hundred bucks. This makes a great gift for new clients or someone you love. The link for this deal can only be found here, nowhere else. If you’ve been on the fence about trying out trauma or grief recovery work or know someone in need, this is a great opportunity.

Invest in the Pay It Forward Starter Package

Questions or concerns? Contact me here!

Top Three PTSD Books PLUS Books for Partners

kellywilsonwrites

7 Nov, 2022

PTSD and Complex PTSD are complicated conditions with a lot of moving parts. Living with Complex PTSD from childhood, I intimately understand how difficult it can be to try and explain this condition to another person. This is on top of trying to grasp how much this disorder affects me on a daily basis.

Often when individuals and couples work with me, they don’t know about how trauma affects our brains and bodies. Why would we? We are not taught in our culture how to acknowledge and deal with trauma and grief.

Over the last year, I have recommended the following books over and over again. The first set is for trauma survivors and PTSDers, and the second set is for the partners of trauma survivors and PTSDers.

Regardless, *ALL* of these books are valuable for both trauma survivors and partners, family members, and support people to read or listen to on your favorite audio book platform.

PTSD Books for Trauma Survivors

Not all trauma survivors have PTSD, but all PTSDers are survivors of trauma. Here are what I consider the absolute BEST books about trauma and PTSD. I have used them all, and provide one caveat: this stuff can be triggering, so take good care when reading and utilizing these resources.

First, there is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – This book is amazing. Everyone needs to read it. Here is the summary:

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists, The Body Keeps the Score exposes the tremendous power of our relationships both to hurt and to heal—and offers new hope for reclaiming lives.

More for the PTSDers

Next is Complex PTSD by Pete Walker – This is basically the PTSD Bible. This book is *comprehensive.* Plus, there’s the acknowledgement of the Complex form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder right there in the title. Here is the summary:

“Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” is a comprehensive, user-friendly, self-help guide to recovering from all the the lingering effects of childhood trauma. It is an overview of the tasks of recovering, and an illumination of the silver linings that can come out of effective recovery work. It is also a map of the recovery process, and contains a great many practical tools and techniques for recovering from CPTSD. It is also richly illustrated with examples of his own and others’ journeys of recovering.

And finally, we have The PTSD Workbook: Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms by Mary Beth Williams

– OR –
The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole by Arielle Schwartz PhD

Either one of these workbooks is great. I will say that Arielle Schwartz is known for developing self-compassion, so that workbook has this context.

PTSD Books for Partners and Loved Ones

Next there are books for partners, loved ones, and friends of those who have PTSD. These books are about learning about your loved one and PTSD and empowering support people.

I love both of these books, and I recommend using them together, as they provide a good foundation of information as well as helpful exercises.

First, there is When Someone You Love Suffers From Posttraumatic Stress by Claudia Zayfert, which is a great, comprehensive look at trauma and PTSD from an outside perspective. This book has a lot of solid information that is easy to find and resource. Here’s the summary:

For trauma survivors struggling with intense memories and emotions, it often feels like life won’t ever be “normal” again. Effective treatments are out there, but the needs of family members are often overlooked. Will the person you love ever get better? What can you do to promote healing? Where can you turn when you just can’t cope? From experienced trauma specialists Drs. Claudia Zayfert and Jason C. DeViva, this compassionate guide is packed with information, support, vivid stories, and specific advice. Learn to navigate the rough spots day by day and help your loved one find a brighter tomorrow.

The Companion Book

To use in partnership with the first book is Loving Someone With PTSD by Aphrodite Matsakis. This book has less comprehensive information but has exercises that help supportive people to take stock of themselves and their relationship as well as instructs them with moving forward while dealing with PTSD. Here is the summary:

With this informative and practical book, you will increase your understanding of the signs and symptoms of PTSD, improve your communication skills with your loved one, set realistic expectations, and work to create a healthy environment for the both of you. In addition, you will learn to manage your own grief, helplessness, and fear regarding your partner’s condition.

These PTSD books are some of my all-time favorite resources from this last year. Like I said in the beginning, take good care when accessing these books, as triggers abound. Don’t forget to give yourself a break!

_{FYI, I have an affiliate Amazon link and I receive a tiny amount of compensation for using it}_{. It helps me pay my office rent.}

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Feeling Winter Depression Coming On? Don't Freak Out

kellywilsonwrites

1 Nov, 2022

I’ve had more than one person say to me, “Winter is coming.” And they weren’t talking about Game of Thrones.

While most people don’t like fall and winter, I love them. I find summer irritating. August is the worst. I have menopause and already feel like Satan is hugging me and have the flop sweats constantly; why do I want my environment to reflect that? I don’t.

Fall represents the start of quieter times. Muted light and soothing colors. Friendlier temperatures. A balance of sunny and rainy days. But I get the dread of this time of year, careening toward the holidays and darkness at 4 pm and cold and rain and snow.

If you are feeling the dread, I get it. You are not alone. And I’m here to tell you that there are advantages to Winter Depression.

Step Out of the Culture Chaos

Winter Depression* is a term that I call this feeling of UGH. We don’t want to do a lot. Not feeling motivated, and feeling tired. Wanting to spend more time in a blanket fort, reading or watching Netflix. Cutting down on social engagements and activities. Looking forward to spending down time with family and friends…quietly.

I’m telling you, we need Winter Depression.

Our culture actively works against our nervous systems, demanding a pace that nobody can expect to keep up with. We are told we are not enough, don’t have enough, and can’t do enough. We are encouraged to ignore our bodies’ signals and “push through” and “just do it” and “sleep when you’re dead.” Our culture pushes us to consume and give and sacrifice more-more-more.

This chaotic series of messages and demands are not what we need. They are, in fact, trauma responses.

Trauma responses are super tempting. They keep us busy-busy-busy, able to separate ourselves from our needs and the trauma and grief that we carry around. For awhile, at least. But sometimes we can only see and deal with our trauma and grief in the dark.

Roll With the Season

The great thing is that we can step away from that chaos. Take a step back and see the spiral for what it is, and acknowledge that living this way is not beneficial. Be curious about our needs and respond to them in gentle ways.

Winter is coming. The days are getting shorter and nights are getting colder. I had to put an extra blanket on the bed. As the leaves change into their final colors and fall, darkness may feel like it’s descending. It’s harder to go out and meet with people and take initiative to “do” things.

This is what fall and winter seasons are for. Have you ever thought about your life in terms of seasons? The most prominent for me was raising little kids, which was really hard on me with PTSD symptoms. Someone reminded me often that this time wouldn’t last forever. That time in my life was a season.

From a seasonal perspective, spring and summer are for gearing up and being active. Fall and winter are for rest, reflection, and restoration.

Wearing Winter Depression Like a Coat

An asphalt road curves to the left and in the middle of the photo is a person with a yellow coat, black beanie, and black pants with tennis shoes. The person's back is to the camera.

Our nervous systems shift with the seasons. This type of nervous system shift with fall and winter is one of protection. What if we put it on like a coat and allowed it to protect us?

You know that graphic that says that “Depressed = Deep Rest”? There are a few of them floating around.

What if this winter depression that we can put on like a cozy coat is an opportunity to really know it feels like to rest? What if we learned how to protect our nervous systems during this slower time of year? We deserve love and care.

Going a step further, what if we used curiosity about how we’re feeling? What if we asked ourselves, “I feel sad about winter. What’s that about?” And see what bubbles up.

Winter Depression: Rest, Reflect, Restore

Surrendering to the seasonal changes can feel quite uncomfortable. I have my own trauma responses and live in a culture of escape and avoidance. Just sitting with ourselves as we slow life down can feel…weird. Restless. Emotionally itchy.

So don’t be surprised if it takes some time to settle in.

I don’t have any magic strategies, just stuff that I have used over the years to lower my harmful hormones and increase my happy hormones during this season.

*Schedule Downtime – our culture scoffs at downtime. Admit it, if you take time for yourself, you probably feel “guilty.” This is a trauma response. The truth is that your value is not based on your productivity. You are valuable. End of story. So schedule time every day and every week to do nothing except things that help you rest, reflect, and restore.

*Sleep – Take naps. At the very least, lie down. Cover yourself with a blanket. Chill out. Maybe bring a book with you and fall asleep reading it.

*Reframe – If you are taunted by thoughts of “not doing enough” and “being lazy,” you are not alone. A powerful tool is to observe these thoughts and reframe them. Say them out loud so that your brain can hear you. Here’s an example:

My brain’s recording: “You haven’t done anything all day, you are so lazy. Worthless.”

Me: I observe the message that I am lazy and worthless because I’m choosing rest. I am reframing this. I am not lazy or worthless. I am giving my body and nervous system the rest that it needs. I refuse to feel shame for taking care of myself.

*Have fun – When was the last time that we made fun a priority? As a trauma survivor, it took me years to discover what I liked to do for fun. I’m *still* discovering what I like to do for fun, because I’m a human, and humans change.

*Warm Up – Wrap yourself in blankets and feel the soothing weight of them. Get into a hot tub with epsom salts and let yourself relax. Warm up that winter depression and see how you feel.

*Invest in Touch – Book a massage or a pedicure or a manicure or all of the above. Feel how good it can be to take care of your body in these ways.

Rest, reflect, and restore during these darker winter months. You might find that you appreciate this season more than you thought you would.

*Important Note: I’m not talking about clinical or other types of depression. Please see medical and mental health professionals if you are having severe depressive symptoms and/or suicidal ideation.

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PTSD, Trauma, and Grief? Beware of Halloween

kellywilsonwrites

24 Oct, 2022

Several years ago, my teens were involved in the local Halloween haunted house, a fundraiser for the community.

“Hey, Mom, you should come see me at the haunted house,” joked my 15-year-old manchild.

“People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder don’t visit haunted houses,” I said with a smile.

He did, of course, know this, and we joked about it because humor was my primary coping skill. And while I joke around about feeling stressed during Halloween, I’m very serious about how this time of year has an effect on PTSD, trauma and grief.

PTSD and Trauma & Halloween

Halloween can be a tough time for individuals with PTSD and trauma symptoms. While there are parts of this holiday that I enjoy – the decorating for the season, spending time with friends and family, candy – there’s stuff that sets of my nervous system and makes life more difficult.

A large wooden mallet is suspended over a brown poached egg.

While Halloween can be an innocent time of costumes and a wide variety of free candy, there’s a celebration of the darkness associated with October 31st. The blood and gore and jumpscares and hauntings and demons and scary movies. All of these can set off our PTSD symptoms, some of which include:

Hypervigilance – Feeling like you have to be constantly “on guard” is exhausting. The constant adrenaline and stress hormones are harmful after long periods of time, and it can be really difficult to come down from the Flight-Fight-Freeze response. People at the door triggers my anxiety, especially as my dogs won’t stop barking at the trick or treaters.

The Startle Reflex – I have the startle reflex when someone comes around a corner on a regular day, so forget people dressing up in scary costumes and losing all sense of personal space. Jumpscares are the worst on a good day.

Sensitivity to Sound – I am highly sensitive to noise, and my threshold for tuning it out is getting lower as I get older. I’m also noticing that my sensitivity extends to other stimuli – lights, people, smells – so I have to closely monitor what’s happening around me and when I need a break.

Grief & Halloween

I recently saw a post about how tough Halloween can be after a death of a loved one. I know how hard it can be with a PTSD diagnosis and a history of trauma, but I had not considered the grief aspect until now.

There are a few layers when considering Halloween from a grief angle. The first is factoring in any memories of this time of year. As my kids grew out of elementary school and into junior high and high school, I grieved the family time that we had together every October.

Figuring out and picking out costumes during September and October. Going to the pumpkin patch and to friends’ parties. Watching The Great Pumpkin and eating pumpkin seeds. Our family heading out on Halloween night, all of us in costume, greeting neighbors in the chill night air. Then there was the gathering of the neighborhood kids in our living room, spreading out their candy for what I called “The Trade!”

All heartwarming memories. All grief of the time and experiences that we will never get back.

The Grief of Recent Loss

Another layer of grief and Halloween is dealing with ghosts and cemeteries and all of the other things that we generally make fun of during this traditional holiday. All of that could seem – to put it plainly – NOT FUN. Especially if a loved one has recently died – suddenly the grim reaper may not seem all that entertaining.

Another layer beyond that is the changing of the seasons and the inevitable darkness that literally gets earlier every day until December 21st. It’s hard to face outer darkness when you feel that way inside. Plus it’s cold and rainy, which can feel lonely instead of cozy. If you’re in the thick of grief, Halloween may not feel all that great.

Making a Halloween Plan

A woman with auburn hair and an emerald green sweater is in the foreground, listening with her eyes closed to headphones.

It can be difficult to simply remain calm during primetime Halloween trick-or-treating hours or during holiday parties, especially if your home is your safe space. Making a plan to stay calm and manage our nervous systems with this personalized trigger toolkit is an act of self-care. Here are some strategies I use to keep from losing my sh*t during Halloween.

Don’t Go – As I told my son, people with PTSD don’t go to haunted houses. I rarely go to Halloween parties. I go to a less popular pumpkin patch when it’s not crowded, because crowds add stress. I don’t like scary movies, so I don’t watch them. But I DO eat candy.

Plan a Date – This date doesn’t have to be with another person; you can simply take yourself out for a special date. Go out to a restaurant for a couple of hours and then to the movies. Book a massage. Get your nails done, especially a pedicure. Head to the grocery store and run other errands. Also, eat candy.

Make Your Own Noise – Hide in your room and put on noise-canceling headphones. Listen to the silence or play music. Watch a movie with the sound coming through your headphones. Turn on a really loud fan or a white noise machine to help drown out other noise. Don’t forget the candy.

Hang Out With a Friend – Preferably a friend who lives in the country where people don’t go trick or treating. Bring your favorite candy.

Get Involved in a Project – Using your hands and brain can provide a distraction from anxiety and helps regulate the nervous system. Choose a favorite type of project to do to keep your mind occupied, preferably one that requires a lot of concentration or has several steps to keep you focused.

Like most things in life, Halloween can be both joyous and difficult. A little planning now can make for an easier Halloween.

Try Trauma Recovery & Grief Recovery Coaching

Sign up here to get a free copy of Five Things Every Trauma Survivor Needs to Know &

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Find out more about Trauma and Grief Recovery Coaching

I offer one-on-one sessions, groups, PTSD Remediation, and classes. Appointments are offered in-person and online.

Try Trauma Recovery and Grief Recovery Coaching for Free! Book an appointment or schedule your FREE 30-minute discovery call to learn more!

Free Anxiety Toolkit to Download

kellywilsonwrites

6 Oct, 2022

Increased anxiety is real. I’ve been feeling it, and I’ve heard about it from family, friends, clients, and strangers in the course of conversation.

My theory is that we have been frozen in place for two and a half years, faced with a global pandemic. None of us had been through a global pandemic, and it was a collectively traumatic experience.

What makes something traumatic? This series of events was unpredictable, sudden, life-threatening, and beyond our control. I believe the pandemic qualifies, especially when factoring in the onset of quarantine and continued isolation, new variants, masking, vaccines, millions of deaths around the world, and the latest – supply chain issues.

What Does Anxiety Feel Like in Your Body?

Over these two and a half years, we’ve been frozen in place. We are now in what I call a Warming Up period, the transition after the meaty part of the pandemic.

Our brains can sense this shift in energy and it feels safer to begin processing symptoms relating to the stress of the pandemic. In our culture, we’re not taught how to acknowledge or process through trauma and grief, and this can all manifest as anxiety and depression symptoms.

The anxiety I feel generally gathers at the base of my throat and radiates down into my chest. I often feel my heart racing and the temptation to follow the anxious spiraling thoughts.

Awareness is key to dealing with trauma and grief and connecting our bodies and minds. Where do you feel anxiety in your body?

Time to Get Curious

Being aware of emotions in our bodies gives us opportunities to practice curiosity.

Why curiosity? It is kinder, gentler, and vastly more productive than self-judgement. You know, that little voice in your head that’s super mean to you and tells you to get it together.

Jumping straight to curiosity helps to get rid of these mean voices and allows us to spend time with the anxious emotions and thoughts. Giving ourselves time and space to explore these sensations expands our Window of Tolerance, which is a VIT – Very Important Tool for mental health.

Regulating Our Nervous Systems

Navy blue background with lighter blue words, Anxiety Toolkit. The right edge has graphics of feet on the ground, a question mark, and a drawing of the brain. The right side has lungs with happy alveoli dancing around.

Exploring the anxious sensations doesn’t need to last forever. Spending a bit of time being curious and simply sitting with the reality of how you feel can expand your Window of Tolerance.

But sooner or later, we’re going to want to regulate our nervous systems to give ourselves a much-needed break from trauma and grief responses.

After conversations with family and friends, I created an Anxiety Toolkit to give us simple tools that can be practiced anywhere to release our anxiety and bring ourselves out of an activated state and into calm. There is a variety of tools to try and then pick your favorite – mine is Body Scan.

I would LOVE to hear back about what exercises you practiced and what you prefer!