Offering SoCal Wildfire ProBono Sessions for Those Directly Affected
kellywilsonwrites
9 Jan, 2025
A very short post to let people know –
If you or someone you know is being directly affected by the Southern California fires and wants to talk/debrief/grieve, I will work with them pro bono for three sessions.
This is a very important thing to do at this time, because it will help keep PTSD and other long-term effects of trauma from setting in.
2024 was a mixed bag of challenges and blessings. Connecting with emotions. Making meaning. Using the tools in my toolbox.
One of my friends said, “The best that I can say about 2024 is that it was The Year of the Pivot.”
This resonated HARD.
As I often say – especially as a childhood abuse survivor – things would be so much easier to process if they were ALL good or ALL bad.
Alas, they are not. There are many shades of gray.
And thank goodness, as that’s one of the things that makes us human.
Celebrating 2024 by Reflecting Back
This is a great time of year to think about the last 365-ish days that we have gone through. Four seasons of transitions, losses, gains, grief, acceptance, emotions, and more.
One of my favorite ways to reflect is to take a look at what affected YOU the most.
There are not a lot of ways to quantify trauma and grief recovery, but one of the ways is to take a look at my blog and social media stats and see what people read, saved, and shared the most over the course of the year.
Of course, life is busy and it can feel impossible to keep up with everything all the time, so…
ICYMI: Here’s What YOU Liked in 2024!
In case you missed it, here are the TOP 7 blog posts of the last year!
I love this post. If you feel like you don’t belong and/or like a scapegoat, here are some reasons as well as how that can be a GOOD thing. Here’s the first snippet:
The theme of “I feel like I don’t belong” came up for me THREE times in the course of two days. That’s a lot. It got my attention. I got curious. What does the feeling of not belonging have to do with surviving trauma and/or abuse? What about the grieving process? What specifics in my own life contribute to feeling this way? What do I have in common with others? Can these feelings be reframed, moving forward? What is this about?Go here for more…
This is a great post to bookmark to come back to when you are ready to follow helpful rabbit trails or want to look something up or need a strategy or or or… Here’s a snippet:
Recently, a client asked me for downloadable mental health worksheets.
“Any specific area of interest?” I asked. “Not really,” they said. “I’d like information and inspiration that I can print out and hang up to remind me about what I’m working on.”
Such a great idea! Especially since it takes 1,500 repetitions to really learn something. Trauma and grief recovery is slow-slow-slow life-changing work. Every step forward is valuable.Go here for more…
I love celebrating the Winter Solstice! Here is the first snippet –
The shortest day and darkest night appeals to me on a visceral level. I have found myself in the darkness many times over the years, shuffling around & bumping into things, praying for light to return.
It was only later that I learned that darkness has its own lessons and blessings, like water bioluminescence – you can’t see it without darkness.
The darkness is part of the cycle of trauma and grief recovery. I remember wondering if I would drown in my own tears in the dark, and before I knew it, light had returned.
I love poetry the most when I am stumbling around in the darkness.Go here for more…
And the TOP THREE MOST POPULAR Posts of the Last Year…
Trauma Survivors don’t like making mistakes. This is me. I am that trauma survivor. You might be, too.
I work hard, and I have come a long way, and I STILL MAKE MISTAKES.
Oh my word, you have no idea HOW MUCH I have wanted a finish line. As in, we’re going along, working on our trauma and grief recovery, processing away, and then – boom – we reach the finish line and we’re done!
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY YEARS I PROCESSED THIS IN THERAPY.
Trauma and grief recovery are not like that. There is no “done.”
There is growth, development, health, and even – dare I say – happiness! When we participate in trauma recovery, we get to LIVE A LIFE THAT IS NOT CONTROLLED BY PAST TRAUMA.Go here for more…
I’m not talking about appetizers! (haha groan, old joke). I’m talking about using apps on our phones to help track PTSD and cPTSD symptoms.
Why apps? Because it’s important to track symptoms and emotions, gain valuable information about your triggers and what you can do about them, and find support.
Plus, many of us already have our phones with us most of the time. What better way to use them than with PTSD and CPTSD recovery? Go here for more…
Year after year, this is my most popular post. Here’s one part –
I recently attended a writing retreat that uncovered the layers of shock, disgust and shame I had been wearing for so long. Our facilitator would assign us a word and we would write, sharing our work after shedding blood, sweat, and tears on our notebook paper or laptops.
One of our exercises was to write a “Dear John” letter to something that no longer served us, that held us back or threatened to drown us. I chose shame, and I crafted an awesome letter about how shame’s services were no longer needed.Go here for more…
I offer one-on-one sessions, groups, PTSD Remediation, and classes. Appointments are offered in-person and online.
My Holiday Wishes for You
kellywilsonwrites
23 Dec, 2024
Some gifts cannot be wrapped.
You are that kind of gift in my life.
The work that we do – individually and together – is eternal.
It cannot be tabulated or quantified or qualified. There is no finish line or end product.
In that same spirit, I thought about what I would give each one of you if I could. Here are my holiday wishes for you!
Wish #1 – For You To Know That You Matter
“Every piece of the universe, even the tiniest little snow crystal, matters somehow. I have a place in the pattern, and so do you. Thinking of you this holiday season!” –T.A. Barron
Every step, no matter how small, matters.
As survivors of various types of trauma and grief experiences, it’s really, *really* easy for us to discount our strengths, minimize our pain, and compare ourselves with others in order to survive.
I hope that you know that YOU MATTER.
Your voice. Your experiences. Your gifts and talents and skills. Your frustrations and wrestling and progress. Your mistakes and regrets and redemptions.
Every single time you choose to get up and try again.
It ALL counts.
You matter.
Wish #2 – For You to Rest When You Can, How You Can
“Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour.” –John Boswell
For a lot of us, sleeping is tough. There are a variety of reasons and no easy answers.
So a few years ago, I decided to give up on the idea of sleeping and instead focus on REST.
There’s no “right way” to rest.
For me, one way to rest is having time and space to go my own speed and to wander. Whether I’m at the grocery store or on a hike or waking up in the morning, going my natural speed is RESTFUL.
However you experience rest and rejuvenation, I wish that renewal for you!
Wish #3 – For You to Know That I am Grateful for You
“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” –William Arthur Ward
Gratitude has been a BIG theme in my life throughout this difficult year. “It can always be worse” has been an important reminder to me – not as a platitude to cover up how I’m feeling, but to acknowledge how I’m feeling and to give myself perspective.
Throughout this challenging year, I have had very few things that I could really count on. One of those things was my community.
The community made up of people.
Community that includes YOU.
You and I did not meet by accident.
In fact, you and I both have likely been through some pretty horrific experiences.
I am grateful that we have found a safety community and greater healing in relationship.
Wish #4 – For You to Experience Home, Whatever That Means
“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.” –Edith Sitwell
If you’re like me, you don’t have a lot of family involved in your life. Or the family that you do have is…not ideal.
In my case, I experienced abuse from my parents. They are not part of my life now.
My experience of home is made up of chosen family and close friends and people I can count on. A place where I can be fully myself. Relationships that are perfectly imperfect.
Also a great couch, a lot of blankets, yummy snacks, and my dogs.
As you make your way in the world, I wish for you to experience Home in whatever way you need.
Most of all, though ~
I Hope This Holiday Season is What You Need it To Be
The Winter Solstice Brings Meaning to the Dark Season
kellywilsonwrites
11 Dec, 2024
Winter Solstice is my New Year’s Eve. My Auld Lang Syne. My nostalgia – the mix of the happy and the sad, swirling together in my heart.
I don’t know about you, but this year has been a bit bleak for me personally. A lot of transition, which naturally brings a lot of grief. More death and loss and mourning than I’m used to in any given year.
I have sometimes felt like I was walking in a cave, stumbling over unseen obstacles, fingertips brushing hard rock walls, only the light of a candle to help me find my way forward.
Some years are like that.
Because of the year I’ve experienced, celebrating the Winter Solstice is more meaningful and important to me, and here’s why I’m looking forward to it.Maybe it can help you, too!
What is the Solstice?
The winter solstice is the shortest day and longest night of the year. The winter solstice marks the beginning of the winter season in the Northern Hemisphere, when the sun reaches its most southerly position.
Having been through *many* “dark nights of the soul” throughout my lifetime, I appreciate the rest and reflection of this time of year. Acknowledging the eternal partnership of light and darkness and our place within it. The cycle of life and death, reflected in the seasons.
Hope in knowing that the light will return, even when it feels like darkness will last forever. THIS is what I celebrate. Even when I have felt most in the dark, I have seen glimmers of light.
Winter Solstice Reminds Me That Everything Cycles
We are taught to think about life in a linear way. Start a project to finish it. Be productive. Move in a straight line.
Trauma and grief recovery does not work like this. LIFE does not work like this.
If there was a finish line, I would have found it. I spent many, many years searching for one.
My tattoo of a phoenix on the inside of my right arm.
Trauma and PTSD and grief recovery are all cycles. Not ONE large cycle, but a course of many small cycles.
Every time I go through a grieving cycle, whether it’s from past or present circumstances, I feel like a Phoenix.
In these cycles, I’m submerged in a fire of emotions. My bones and cells and everything I’ve known about this circumstance is turned to ash.
And then I rise again. Renewed. Reborn. Not carrying the trauma and grief from the past, because I let it burn through processing it. Letting it cycle through, so that I am not destroyed.
I am grateful for these cycles in my life, because they help me remember that darkness does not last forever. There is always hope, even when we don’t feel it.
Winter Solstice Reminds Me That I Can Let Go and Be Renewed
The shortest day and the darkest night help me to go through a process of letting go of what needs to be released and receiving what’s waiting for me.
The first way I do this is to choose a word for the year. For 2024, the word was REST.
Now at first glance, this might seem like a great word – relaxing, even.
Having experience with tricky words for the year, I figured that there was more to this word than simply having plenty of time to chill out.
I was right. I needed a lot of rest because the circumstances, deaths, loss, and transitions of the year were chaotic and lasted months (not hours, not days, not weeks – MONTHS).
And I had more resting to do than simply lying on my couch (which I LOVE to do). I learned how to rest in despair, and rest in faith, and rest in hope, and rest in uncertainty. All tough things, but GOOD, especially when going through cycles of trauma and grief recovery, and becoming who I was always meant to be.
I talk more about my Winter Solstice Word for the Year ritual here ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️
Winter Solstice Reminds Me That Light Shines in Darkness
Like Mary Oliver, Wendell Berry wrote some amazing poetry connecting our human emotional experience with the realities of nature.
There’s nothing like poetry to ease pain.
This poem reminds me that sometimes darkness needs to be experienced on its own.
That there is value in the darkness.
That sometimes it feels like night will last forever…so why not get to know it? Instead of pushing it away, or trying to ignore it, or avoiding it, or all of the other ways we try to escape the darkness – why not lean into it?
Here’s one of my favorite pieces that I return to every Winter Solstice:
More About the Solstice and Hope and Grief
At times like these, it can feel radical to practice hope, and I wrote about that here – Practicing Radical Hope
Okay, maybe I’m a little tired. AND I ordered this shirt recently and I’m VERY excited to wear it to work with clients!
I don’t know about you, but MY depression and anxiety morphs over the holidays, beginning around the middle of October until the beginning of January.
How does it morph? The comparison that comes to mind is that I turn into Shrek and live in the swamp. This is before Fiona comes on the scene.
During the holidays, my energy level is so low that it reaches the core of the Earth. I only want to eat sugar, preferably in the form of Muddy Buddies (aka Puppy Chow). I can get a little irritable and tend to isolate. You know, like Shrek.
And plans? What plans? I cannot make any plans because there is an EXCELLENT chance that I will not be functional enough to go anywhere or interact with people EXCEPT in my work with clients, which actually helps me immensely this time of year. But I can’t work 24/7.
Which Brings Me to Holiday Depression & Anxiety Resources
One of the things that I do to help ease my holiday woes is to radically accept where I’m at.
Yeah, easier said than done sometimes, but it’s much more peaceful than fighting battles that I can’t and won’t win.
THEN, I make plans. I use the term “plans” loosely, because these “plans” are about getting a lot of rest, taking really good care of myself, creating smart and gentle boundaries for myself, and reminding myself that this is what I need in my trauma, ptsd, and grief recovery process.
Enjoy this roundup of fancy holiday ptsd, depression, anxiety and grief resources!
First, a Special Thanksgiving Resource
“What are you thankful for?” can be boring and affirmations make me gag. SO, I learned a way to keep track of and express my gratitude in FOUR STEPS, and they can be found here:Feeling Gratitude…Authentically
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