Trauma & Grief Go on Vacation With You

kellywilsonwrites

24 Apr, 2024

Whatever we practice at home goes on vacation with us.

As a childhood Army brat, I’m used to traveling, whether for business or vacation. I took my first airplane ride at 6 weeks old, and my family often had to take planes, trains, and automobiles to get where we needed to go (including crossing the U.S. a few times by car – whew).

My love of adventure and the outdoors has kept me on the move over the course of my life. I get restless when it’s been too long since my last trip.

And what I’ve noticed over the years is that I may escape the monotony of every day life on vacation, but I have never escaped my trauma symptoms.

First, My Vacation to New Orleans in 2022

A middle aged couple stands in front of a sign that says Sazerac House — RIGHT BEFORE SOBBING MY FACE OFF OUTSIDE

Okay, first – if you can go to New Orleans, do it. That city is pure FOOD MAGIC and PEOPLE-WATCHING GALORE. The art, music, and architecture, oh my!

My husband and I took our honeymoon to New Orleans during Mardi Gras in 2022. The experience far surpassed our expectations.

Halfway through the week-long trip, however, I found myself standing on the sidewalk outside of the Sazerac House, sobbing my face off.

Overstimulated. Overtired. Overstressed. Over it.

Why would I be sobbing my face off? Wasn’t I having a lot of fun?

Oh yeah, but guess what? TRAUMA SURVIVORS – especially those of us with PTSD – HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME WITH FUN AND HAPPINESS AND JOY.

Give me a crisis any day, I can totally deal. But fun and happiness and joy?

At the time of that trip to New Orleans, my window of tolerance for fun was TINY.

So would I be able to expand my tiny window of tolerance for good stress?

The Hawaii Vacation, Two Years Later

Cut to earlier this year, when I *had* to travel to Hawaii (I know, poor me). Part of this trip was business-related, which actually did not decrease the fun of it ONE BIT.

Since I was going all that way, I invited my husband to meet me once my business was done.

We had *a blast.* Snorkeling? Check. Great food? Check. WHALES??? CHECK.

Halfway through THIS week-long trip, was I standing outside a popular tourist attraction, sobbing my face off?

Nope.

I felt…great! Regulated. Emotionally even. Present and in the moment.

Why?

Whatever we practice at home goes on vacation with us.

It sounds a little silly – especially in our culture, where Work is King – but I’ve been *practicing* increasing my window of tolerance for fun and joy over the last couple of years, *especially* when traveling.

In addition, I figured out how to manage myself in very important trauma recovery ways while on adventures.

How to Go On Vacation With Trauma & Grief

While I’ve been practicing how to deal with joy – especially on vacation and/or adventures – I’ve put into place important things that set me up for success.

Preparation Time – I start packing for a trip a week in advance. The suitcase is open on the floor or the spare bed and I throw stuff into it as I’m going about my daily life. I also use this time to buy and pack travel-friendly snacks, along with other stuff, like sunscreen and aloe, because I *will* burn.

Five clocks in a row, hanging on a wall, showing time differences around the world

Factor in the Time Difference – If there’s going to be a time difference, I try to mentally prepare myself. Sometimes I try to adjust my sleep schedule a little bit in the direction of the time difference.

Meds – It’s super easy for me to be like, “I’M GOING ON VACAY, SUCKAS, NO MEDS FOR ME!” This is not realistic or kind or practical. Taking a week to pack helps me to remember to make sure that I have all the meds I need, and then get those babies packed up.

Pace Yourself & Let Your Nervous System Catch Up

Pacing – I used to be a super organized traveler. Tight itineraries, with decisions made and tickets booked well in advance. Around the time of the New Orleans trip, I figured out that keeping this pace heightened my anxiety by a large factor and added to the overall stress on my brain and body.

Now, I typically plan to do One Big Thing Per Day – if we want to do more in a day, great! And I make sure that the thing that I MOST want to do is at the beginning of the trip, and I DO buy tickets for that if needed.

Plan the Rest Day – Ah, another decision my husband and I made during the New Orleans trip, shortly after I was sobbing my face off. The Rest Day.

About halfway through a trip, I need a Rest Day. A day to do nothing, if needed. If the trip is shorter, the rest period is typically shorter, maybe just half a day. If the trip is longer, I *definitely* need a day to decompress.

Recovery Time – It’s tempting to want to jump right into daily life after an adventure. This rarely goes well for me. Instead, I take a bit of time after we get home. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time – for example, if we get home on Sunday, then taking Monday morning off so I can ease my way into reality helps a ton.

Good Stress is Still Stress

At one point, my therapist explained that excitement and anxiety are *physiologically* the same in our bodies. We have the same heart palpitations and sweaty palms and even fight or flight.

So is it anxiety or excitement? It’s all in how you frame it.

This is important to remember, because stress is stress is stress. “Good” stress, “bad” stress, “in-between” stress. It all takes a toll on us.

For trauma survivors, though, the “good” stress *feels* so different, and that, in turn, makes it more stressful. So we need to learn how to take care of ourselves while learning how to feel joy.

Like this meme says:

You're not healing to be able to handle trauma. You're used to trauma. You're healing to be able to handle joy. — Meme Credit: https://www.instagram.com/rebelthriver/

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Three Reasons to Come to the Spring Has Sprung Artisan Market

kellywilsonwrites

11 Apr, 2024

If you’re in the Portland metro area (or beyond), you *may* want to come to the Spring Has Sprung Artisan Market on May 11th! (get it? “May”? lol)

While there are many excellent reasons to attend this lively and fun event, here are my top three in support of our community!

The First Reason: Donate!

One of the reasons that I chose to be part of this FREE event is that it’s a fundraiser.

We are partnering with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health) for a special cause. We will be hosting a hygiene kit fundraiser to support individuals facing houselessness and mental health challenges.

Here’s a list of items that you can bring and donate to our fundraising efforts:

The Second Reason: Emotional Support Pickles!

Having a booth at an event like this is an excuse for me to meet people in my community. This is why I LOVE to have booths at fairs around Portland. Frankly, selling items is an excuse to be there,so I try to have items that are helpful and fun.

While I typically sell my book, Caskets From Costco, at events like this, I wanted to also include some other items. I have mental health stickers! (who doesn’t love a good sticker? I have many cups decorated with favorites. This won’t be stopping anytime soon.)

AND I am super excited to be selling Emotional Support Pickles! Take a look ~

LOL Look closely and you can still see the marks from my CPap machine…

I haven’t settled on prices for everything yet, but I cannot imagine that anything at my booth will be more than $10. Plus, I figured out how to take payments by people tapping their cards ON MY PHONE. That’s super convenient.

The Third Reason: Gifts!

And another reason I love to have a booth at events like this is to support small businesses in my community. This is a FABULOUS opportunity to financially support our local artisans and purchase some stuff for you or as gifts for others!

And let’s not forget, this event is on May 11th, THE DAY BEFORE MOTHER’S DAY. Fortunately, there will be over 70 vendors with gifts just in time for Mother’s Day, which is on May 12th!

The Details of the Artisan Market

Mark your calendars!

Date: Saturday, May 11th from 10am to 6pm

Place: Clackamas High School – free parking!

Cost? FREE! Which leaves more money for buying awesome stuff from local artisans.

And don’t forget to drop off donations!

Here’s a flyer to share! Hope to see you there!

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I offer one-on-one sessions, groups, PTSD Remediation, and classes. Appointments are offered in-person and online.

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Beyond Deep Breathing in Trauma and Grief

kellywilsonwrites

9 Apr, 2024

The good thing about popular culture is that I see a lot of jokes about deep breathing, square breathing, all the breathing.

This is great! Once something becomes a joke, then I know that it’s reached a certain level of cultural consciousness.

The bad thing about this is that “Did you try square breathing?” can quickly become a stereotype, and stereotypes lead to contempt.

I (FOR SURE) do not want to hold any nervous system exercises in contempt. They have all been helpful to me. There is no ONE “Right Way” to heal or process through trauma and grief.

So what if you want to go beyond deep breathing in your trauma and grief processing?

Have I got a deal for you! This post talks about an exercise you can do – any parts of it at any time, or use these suggestions as steps, as they are very similar to the 4 S’s – that can help take you into deeper and more consistent nervous system regulation.

1. Acknowledge the emotions that are happening.

Looking down at a wood dock and a metal thing that boats tie up to. Next to the metal thing is a welcome mat with the words, "Welcome on Board," along with a pair of feet wearing red Converse shoes.

When I first started my trauma and grief recovery journey about 20 years ago, I did not know how to connect with my emotions, much less acknowledge, name, process, and communicate them.

Learning how to acknowledge emotions is a Big Deal.

There can be one overwhelming emotion or several emotions. They can be one type (the anger family) or completely conflicting emotions, including opposites! These can be new emotions that are kicking up old wounds.

There’s no arguing with emotions. Welcome them in. They are messengers, and they need our attention.

Name all of them. Use a feelings wheel if you need to.

Say them out loud if you can, or write them in longhand or on your phone: “I feel __________.” Your brain trusts your voice and your handwriting and helps your body and brain process.

Practicing acknowledgement is A HUGE step. Every effort counts!

2. Move the energy.

An image of two friends, sitting on a bench, turned toward each other and sharing. Bench is one a lookout point of a lake with mountains.

Emotions are energy, and they can get stuck in your body. Movement can be talking, any kind of physical movement (stretching to walking to running), writing, singing, dancing, drawing – whatever feels good to you and works for you.

If you have a hard time moving the energy by yourself, congratulations! You are human!

Trauma and grief need a witness.

I often need another person’s help to move emotional energy. I talk with my therapist, colleagues, friends, husband (not in that order LOL). Professionals like acupuncturists and massage therapists help A TON when I feel stuck.

And this is part of what I do for a living – I help people move emotional energy, processing it so that we can integrate our experiences and be our authentic selves.

3. Re-parent your inner kid(s).

This idea is becoming more popular with Internal Family Systems, which talks about how we all have different parts of us that need different things. These parts – in their efforts to keep us safe – can compete with and shut down other parts. The work is learning how to listen to and respond to the different parts of ourselves, especially the wounded ones.

Re-parenting your inner kid(s) is partly acknowledging that these are parts of ourselves that need something. Our work is finding out what they need, deep down, underneath the emotions and feelings.

How do we do this? Sitting with emotions and facing what’s underneath them. Kind of like cleaning a nasty wound on our bodies. It hurts to dig out the infected parts and put medicine on it and bandage it, but then the wound can heal.

As you sit with the emotions – which is difficult and painful at times – I encourage curiosity. Some questions to ask include:

*Are these emotions from old wounds, new wounds, or both?
*Can you identify these old wounds?
*When you think about these wounds, what images, thoughts, memories, smells, sounds (and more) come up?
*What ages are the parts of you that are feeling?
*What kinds of soothing words or actions (or snacks) do these parts need?
*How would you treat a child or an animal who was hurt and feeling strong emotions? How can you treat yourself in similar ways?

The Truth About Emotions (aka Big Feelings)

Big Feelings can happen whenever and wherever they want to. There may be a discernible trigger…and there may not. There might be a memory or an event you can point to and…there may not.

Practicing these deeper strategies with openness and curiosity will help build a sense of safety within yourself as you navigate through trauma and grief.

Try the Support of Trauma Recovery & Grief Recovery Coaching

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61 Tips About the Grief Experience.

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I offer one-on-one sessions, groups, PTSD Remediation, and classes. Appointments are offered in-person and online.

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Free Grief Yoga Training on Zoom 4/9

kellywilsonwrites

1 Apr, 2024

This is what Grief Yoga extraordinaire Paul Denniston said in his email about this free event:

We’ll embrace mind/body/spirit techniques to guide your clients and community to transform grief, trauma, and anxiety into more empowerment and love.

This is also designed to help support you and your self-care.

When dealing with challenging emotions, it can be hard to find the words to describe the struggle.

So instead, we hold the pain in the body.

Healing needs movement.

Ideal, right?

He also said that this is not for physical mastery, but emotional liberation, and will be taught from a chair. OH YEAH! I LOVE CHAIR YOGA. (Basically, one of my primary motivations at any given moment is finding a place to sit. I will sit almost anywhere. But I digress -)

When is FREE Grief Yoga?

This gift is next Tuesday, April 9th, at 10am PT / 1pm ET.

It WILL be recorded and sent to everyone who registered.

Try the Support of Trauma Recovery & Grief Recovery Coaching

Sign up here to get a free copy of Five Things Every Trauma Survivor Needs to Know AND

61 Tips About the Grief Experience.

Find out more about Trauma and Grief Recovery Coaching

I offer one-on-one sessions, groups, PTSD Remediation, and classes. Appointments are offered in-person and online.

Try Trauma Recovery and Grief Recovery Coaching for Free! Book a free 30-minute Discovery Call to find out more!

Not Too Late to Start Practicing Good Mental Health

kellywilsonwrites

12 Mar, 2024

Good mental health is a series of skills that require practice.

Not all at once, mind you. Yikes!

One at a time, though? That’s do-able.

Welcome to the Mental Health “Clip Show”

Yeah, I’m on vacation, getting some rest – this is also a good mental health skill to practice.

And while I’m resting, I thought it would be a good time for a Clip Show.

If you are – ahem – *mature* like me, than you remember tuning into your favorite show and sometimes being treated to a series of clips that are loosely tied together by a theme or story. Otherwise known as a Clip Show, where clearly the writers needed a break. (Golden Girls have my favorite clip shows)

I don’t mind these types of things. I like re-watching and re-reading stuff for several reasons:

✅ It takes 5 to 7 repetitions to remember something well
✅ There’s stuff that I missed
✅ It feels comforting
✅ I enjoyed it the first time
✅ There’s no anxiety because I already know how it will end
✅ Our brains like repetition (i.e. young kids who like stories and songs over and over again)

In short, re-watching and re-reading and reviewing information is good. Storytelling is part of our biology.

Five Good Mental Health Directions to Explore

A hierarchy of skills that build in a pyramid formation. Bottom is physical care, next is physiological, next is mental, next is emotional and last is community.

If you know me, then you know that I don’t recommend stuff that I haven’t tried and/or am already doing myself. So be comforted that I am learning right along with you, and that these are my *MVPs* (Most Valuable Practices) of good mental health.

#1 – What to do FIRST (keep in mind that a New Year can be any day you choose) – I’m still working on getting my colonoscopy and my appointment scheduled with my Lady Parts Doctor. Otherwise, though, I’m doing great with following up on my physical health and how it effects my mental health (it’s A LOT).

#2 – Two Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System – in other words, survival mode is not meant to be forever. Practicing regulating your nervous system is PRICELESS and avoids a lot of avoidable suffering.

#3 – Two Easy Ways to Practice Mindfulness – anywhere and anytime! This doesn’t need to be woo-woo or mysterious. Mindfulness is just getting comfortable connecting and regulating, and I offer two easy structured ways to get started.

#4 – Ah, yes, the skill I’m practicing A LOT: How to Sit With Your Feelings and Not Have it SUCK – I figured out a system and I share it in this post.

#5 – Healing Happens in Community – this is a BIG passion of mine. Trauma happens in relationship, and so does healing. We need each other.

But Wait! There’s More

The fun and exciting article that’s gaining a lot of traction (especially over at Medium) is Are Emotions Stored in the Anus?

Yes, there’s a story behind that one, and I explain it in the post. I really, really love that post (LOL).

Wishing you rest as Spring springs!

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I offer one-on-one sessions, groups, PTSD Remediation, and classes. Appointments are offered in-person and online.

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