Local writers! There’s been expressed interest in a drop-in trauma & grief writing evening. There’s space (to rent for small fee) and I have the time and capacity right now, so why not?
I’m thinking about running it like an open mic night – “the list” will open a couple of days before, people sign up (first come, first serve) and then the first 6 show up that Wednesday evening.
Here are the details as they now stand:
once a month (for now)
Last Wednesday evening of the month
7-9ish pm
$20 – $50, sliding scale
up to 6 people
in-person at Centerpointe Therapists in Milwaukie
bring snacks
This would be similar to the online writing group – write to prompts and read out loud in a safe environment, no critique, no experience necessary.
Sign up below to stay in the loop! This form is to indicate interest only. I will email all interested people final details and to sign up officially.
Two Easy Ways to Practice Mindfulness for the New Year
kellywilsonwrites
21 Jan, 2024
Welcome to the third in the series of the Top 5 Mental Health Skills for the New Year! (If you are catching up, you can find the first Mental Health skill here and the second one here!)
Our third skill? Two easy ways to practice mindfulness.
What is Mindfulness, Anyway?
Great question. “Mindfulness” is a term that gets thrown around a lot and rarely explained.
So what is it? Really?
Mindfulness is simply being in the present moment.
Those of you who – like me – spent the bulk of your lives dissociating…I can hear you laughing. It’s okay, I did, too.
While we all practice dissociation on some level (one example is daydreaming, which can be quite fun), CHRONIC dissociation in complex trauma, PTSD, and CPTSD can cause long-term damage (in short, we can become unable to integrate our experiences into our authentic selves and we can develop problems with memory, identity, emotion, perception, behavior and sense of self).
I started mindfulness practice in 2016. I started going to a Seeking Safety group with other women, all of us with a PTSD diagnosis.
That group is where I learned the two easiest ways to practice mindfulness.
My First Mindfulness Practice (that I remember)
I have this visceral memory of sitting in the group therapy room, on the couch that was set against the windows.
The group leader was going through the curriculum and I was having a tough day. The curriculum was good but difficult. I had a lot of Big Feelings and I didn’t know what to do with them. My brain didn’t necessarily believe that I was safe.
I felt myself begin to dissociate.
I stopped. I laid my head back against the headrest of the couch and began a silent chant in my own head:
“Do not dissociate. You are safe. Do not dissociate. You are safe.”
It worked. I stayed in the present moment, and something inside of me shifted.
I’ve repeated that chant for YEARS. In my most vulnerable moments, that chant still comes to me. The power of it is the STOP, the pause, that gives me the CHOICE.
If I’m in the present moment, I can act out of my authentic self, not out of my trauma responses. THAT is the power of a healing journey.
Practice Mindfulness While Grounding OUTSIDE of Ourselves
Sometimes we get FLOODED with Big Feelings and the *last* place we need or want to be is inside the turmoil.
Fortunately, there are ways to ground OUTSIDE of ourselves and sidestepping the inner spiral. The following ideas from the Trigger Toolkit help to anchor us in the environment:
Take deep, slow breaths from your gut rather than your chest
Start counting the number of red things in the room around you
Go outside and focus on feeling the air and sun on your skin
Rinse your hands with cold water or hold ice cubes until they melt
Run your hands over a rough surface, like bricks or a tree trunk
Fire up your iPod and sing along with songs you know
Count backwards from 88
Actively play with a pet or engage with animals
Carry a talisman with you – a small item – that you can grasp tightly in your hand when you need it
Eat something and focus on the flavors, scents and feel of the food in your mouth
Trace your hand onto a piece of paper and fill the handprint full of names of things you can touch around you
My suggestion is to choose one thing and try it several times. Make that thing something that you either already do (many times, we’ve done things unconsciously that help us navigate our world as trauma survivors) and/or want to do.
Practice Mindfulness While Grounding INSIDE of Ourselves
I like to use this kind of mindfulness on a regular basis. When it comes to regulating our nervous systems, EVERYTHING counts. Practicing skills when you feel calm helps rewire your brain and make these skills more automatic. Even ONE MINUTE counts.
Plus, trauma disconnects. Mindfulness connects.Grounding inside of yourself helps build safety between your brain and your body, a central point that you can return to in times of distress. Practicing grounding techniques inside your body helps strengthen that central point of safety.
And sometimes I just don’t know how I feel. Taking time to observe my thoughts, feelings, and/or body helps me to stay in the present with my emotions.
Observe Your Thoughts
The point of this is NOT to change or judge anything. Just watch those thoughts like clouds in the sky.
To start, start a timer for 5, 10, or 15 minutes and sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Feel your seat on the chair. Feel the breath go in and out of your nose for a bit.
Slowly bring awareness to the thoughts coming into your head. These thoughts are passing clouds. See them, acknowledge them, let them pass.
That’s it. Really. You are simply being who you are in this moment.
Observe Your Body
This is one of my favorite ways to practice mindfulness because it was easy for me to learn and I find it very calming. This is the Body Scan.
I’ve done Body Scan exercises anywhere from 1 minute up to a half hour. Here is the Body Scan document with links to guided exercises of differing amounts of time.
Observe Your Emotions
Observing feelings is a similar mindfulness practice to observing thoughts except that we are observing emotions that our bodies are sensing.
To start, start a timer for 5, 10, or 15 minutes and sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Feel your seat on the chair. Feel the breath go in and out of your nose for a bit.
Slowly bring awareness to the parts of your body that are having sensations. Name the sensations (for example, my heart is racing, my right foot feels cold, my calves are tingling).
Emotions like to spiral. There’s no need to try and stop the spiral. Instead, STEP AWAY from the spiral.
Observe the sensations in your body and what emotions and thoughts are spiraling. GET CURIOUS, naming the sensations and saying, “I’m very curious about that” or “I wonder what that’s about.”
Your brain and body will tell you. It might not be right away, but it will happen. The art of being curious helps set that stage.
Today I was reminded of a fairly traumatic winter weather incident.
During the week of Christmas 2008, we got a storm that took power and heat out for D-A-Y-S.
I live in Portland, Oregon, and winter events like this don’t happen that often. Not even every year. We might have a few snowflakes or a day or two of sleet each January or even March, but winter storms are an every-few-years kind of thing.
Therefore, we don’t have the infrastructure to deal with severe winter weather. So when a multiple-day storm passes through, we are S-T-U-C-K.
And that’s where we are now.
But back to Christmas 2008.
I was a year and a half into trauma therapy, diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder in 2006. The sexual abuse that I endured as a child happened partly during the Christmas holiday, so at that point in my trauma recovery, Christmas was still extremely hard and I was working through what that was about. I was also trying to be a “good mom” about Christmas for my kids.
A couple of days before Christmas (2008), snow and ice took over the city. Power was out in all areas. First we lost electricity, then we lost heat. On Christmas Eve, the temperature in our house went down into the 40’s.
At the time, I had a 7-year-old and a 4-year-old. We could not stay in our home.
One of our best friends took us in. I was barely able to function from the stress on top of the trauma stuff, but my best friend and her roommate made everything BETTER. They took over and kept us warm and safe and fed and our kids had a wonderful Christmas and honestly didn’t know any better.
A reminder that winter weather is stressful.
This is the reality of severe winter weather:
*Snow and ice. *Power outages. Internet outages. *No heat. *Dicey driving conditions. *Not able to get places. *Empty shelves at the store. *Trying to reschedule stuff. *Cabin fever. *Routine disruptions.
(Perhaps, like me, you have a young dog who does not “get” snow and ice but wants to play in it and doesn’t understand why nobody else wants to and WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE, but I digress…)
Uncertainty. Unfamiliar circumstances. Perceived or actual scarcity. Feeling powerless.
Stress kicks up old trauma.
This is on top of whatever “regular” stuff you are dealing with.
What can we do, though?
Acknowledgement goes a long way, which is basically saying out loud what you are and have been dealing with. Living in the present moment can help break up the trauma cycle. It might be uncomfortable, but it will help.
Also helpful: *Grounding your nervous system (look up 5-4-3-2-1 and body scan meditations in the Anxiety Toolkit) *Reminding yourself that you are safe. *Talking to other people. *Radical acceptance. *Drink water, eat food, stretch your body, take your meds. *Chill out (pun intended). *Acknowledge what has gone well. *Hot baths, showers, and naps. *Snuggling.
When the ice has melted, there will be emotional energy to move. Pent up stress will need somewhere to go. We will thaw in more ways than one.
How the 2nd New Year Mental Health Skill Solves A LOT of Problems
kellywilsonwrites
8 Jan, 2024
Welcome to the second in the series of the Top 5 Mental Health Skills for the New Year! (If you are catching up, you can find the first Mental Health skill here!)
This skill is INVALUABLE. PRICELESS. THE FOUNDATION OF CONNECTING BODY AND BRAIN.
Can you tell from all of the capital letters that I’m feeling quite intense about this skill? I AM. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
I use this skill EVERY SINGLE DAY. MULTIPLE TIMES a day. It solves A LOT of problems.
This Most Valuable Skill in trauma, PTSD and grief recovery is…(drumroll please) –
Regulating your nervous system.
Why? How? Who cares? Read on and I’ll tell ya!
Survival Mode is Not Meant to be Forever
I was 25 years old before someone said to me, “Survival mode is not meant to be forever.”
I honestly did not know that.
I was *born* into survival mode. My childhood years with abusive and alcoholic parents led to complex PTSD. I literally did not know that there was any other way to be, other than feeling inwardly chaotic, heart-racing, anxious, overwhelmed, jumpy, and irritable (to name a few).
Unfortunately, the “survival mode is not meant to last forever” conversation stopped there. It was a passing comment, but it stuck with me. Being inherently curious, my question was, well what else is there besides survival mode, and what the heck is survival mode, for real???
It would be several more years before I would begin to find out.
We are Meant for Calm
This goes against what our culture and school and work and families teach us, but our bodies and brains THRIVE in calm.
We operate more efficiently and experience more rest, creativity, and presence when we feel calm.
Calm is our baseline.
What does your body feel like when you are calm? How do you describe calm?
These are tough questions for trauma survivors, especially with PTSD.
At this point in my journey, I’m still learning how to NOT create chaos outside and inside of myself, and to rest inside the calm.
So yeah…You are not alone.
There are TWO ways (in my experience) to practice the skill of regulating our nervous systems.
First Regulate With Another Calm Person
This is the most important part of my job. It is called Co-Regulation.
Co-regulation is our ability to tap into each other’s emotional and physical energies. It’s a fabulous way that humans and animals are wired.
One example is when we feel upset and our dog or cat comes up to us and comforts us. We pet the dog or cat and accept their love and begin to feel more calm. We are co-regulating with our pets, being physiologically soothed.
I perform a similar task, but I’m not as cute as cats or dogs.
Regardless of whether we meet in person or online, the goals are the same:
A safe and welcoming environment
Inward stillness and calm
Loose body language
Fully present in the moment
Reflecting and attuning to emotions
When people come into my physical or virtual office, I want them to feel safe enough to “come down” from the chaos, worry, and anxiety that surrounds us so that we can process what is happening and has happened within us.
People who work in counseling/therapy/trauma or grief recovery coaching, massage therapy and bodywork, acupuncture, yoga, (and more) typically practice this skill of safety with others. Sometimes – and this was true for me – these places are the only places that we can feel safe and learn what it’s like to be regulated in our nervous systems.
Second, Regulate Inside of Yourself
The thing about trauma is that it disconnects.
It disconnects us from ourselves. Our brains become separated from our bodies for the sake of survival. Trauma disconnects us from other people.
Remember, survival mode is not meant to be forever. We’re meant to experience danger and then process it emotionally, physically, and physiologically.
Once we start getting comfortable with co-regulating with safe people in our lives and dealing with the trauma that our bodies hold, we can begin to regulate our nervous systems.
There are a lot of other practices that help regulate our nervous system. Stretching, yoga, walking, talking, tapping (EFT), vagus nerve work like humming and singing, sensory deprivation floating, dietary changes, visualization, affirmations, gratitude, meditation – the list quite littlelarry* goes on. I’ve tried almost all of them, and still use my favorite strategies in a combination that works for me (*I use littlelarry because my youngest said it and I refuse to go back LOL).
One of the ways that I regulate is through box breathing – I explain more here in a video from a couple of years ago, when my youngest was heading back to school after pandemic shutdown:
Steps to Regulate Your Nervous System
As you get more into practicing regulating your nervous system with others and by yourself, this becomes more automatic.
Sense – Our physical bodies sense emotions long before our brains do. It’s important to sense that something emotionally based is happening in your body, and what different emotions and feelings can feel like.
Sit – This is a tough one. I practice this a lot with clients, because it can be easier to sit with tough feelings with a safe person. In the past, I have fought, lashed out, hid, distracted, and run away from sitting with the emotions and feelings as they crash over me. Now I am more apt to notice the sensations and then sit with them for a little while. This takes practice.
State – For me, this is a stream of consciousness exercise. I start with the physical sensations that I notice, and then name the associated feelings. I state what’s happening OUT LOUD whether another person is there or not, because our brains trust the sound of our voice. This is also where emotional energy moves for me, typically I cry.
Soothe – This is an important skill. Think of it like soothing a hurt animal or child or your inner child. Drink water, have a snack, build a blanket fort. Curl up with something warm, like a blanket or bowl of soup or a cup of tea.
Here’s a handy graphic to refer to, because THIS TAKES PRACTICE.
Happy New Year, or as they say on The Office: It is a New Year (period).
So during the holidays, I had a check-in appointment with my doctor.
I now have a list of stuff to do.
I’m passing that list on to you.
Why? Because our physical health *absolutely* effects our mental health.
New Year First Thing: Self-Care
Basic self-care can be difficult for trauma, PTSD, and grief recovery survivors. Can we talk about showering for a second? Why is this so difficult? I don’t know, but in the depths of my depression during this time of year, showering FEELS IMPOSSIBLE. So can eating, leaving the house, and taking my meds regularly.
BUT, I do it. I take showers during these times – not every day, mind you, but every couple-few days. I eat regularly. Sure, it’s a lot of convenience food when I’m at my lowest points, but I make sure there’s protein. I take my meds when I eat, because two birds and one stone. And moving my body feels difficult, but I am part of an exercise group where people care about ME and not just “if I show up” (plus, I always feel better after moving my body).
My First Video of the New Year: The Physical Body
Like I mentioned, I had a check-in appointment with my doctor and the list of things I need to do can apply to anyone (especially my age-ish, 30-ish to 100-ish).
Here is the video. Of course, I think it has hilarious bits. I go a little bit into some rabbit trails of my own, but mostly it’s on track.
To find out what I said without watching the video, scroll on down!
The First Thing to Do in the New Year
Okay, so here’s the deal. Taking care of our physical bodies keeps us from dipping as low mentally, and helps us bounce back when we hit lows in our mental health.
ALSO, many physical issues can mimic mental health issues. Thyroid problems are BIG in this category, along with hormonal changes. One hormonal change in my life had me dipping into some suicidal ideation in a new way. A visit with my doctor and some tweaks in my meds, and I felt a ton better all the way around.
So the FIRST thing to do is to get a physical with your doctor. INCLUDE BLOODWORK. Check hormones, iron, vitamin d, cholesterol, sugar and insulin levels, and anything else that’s needed.
If you’ve never had bloodwork done before, this is a great baseline to establish. And if you are old hat at bloodwork (like me), then you can compare with the past baselines and decide with your doctor about adjustments to make.
What Else? Appointments & An Acronym
Welp, this year I get to have a COLONOSCOPY. So definitely make that appointment. Also a mammogram and a visit to the GYN (as applicable).
I don’t mention the acronym in the video (well, dang) but this is one that I have used since I first started PTSD Recovery in 2006. This acronym has reminded me about what to do each day, because at one point, it was easy to forget.
SEEM
S = Sleep and REST. Sleep can be tough for trauma, PTSD, and grief survivors, so I focus on REST. What is restful? This is what the question I’m focusing on this year.
E = Eat on the Regular. Get some good food in you throughout the day. Protein, for sure. Healthy fats, like nuts and avocado. Focus on delicious with some nutrients thrown in.
E = Exercise. Like I say in the video, I was built for comfort, not for speed. So no pressure here. There’s nothing that you “have” to do. Just move. Walk, stretch, dance, run, cycle, skip, swing, lift weights, pickleball, whatever. I exercise in a group or class, though, because otherwise I do not follow through.
M = Meds.Supplements count. It takes a lot of stuff to keep my body balanced on the inside, like iron, vitamin D, hormone support, etc etc.
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