This is what Grief Yoga extraordinaire Paul Denniston said in his email about this free event:
We’ll embrace mind/body/spirit techniques to guide your clients and community to transform grief, trauma, and anxietyinto more empowerment and love.
This is also designed to help support you and your self-care.
When dealing with challenging emotions, it can be hard to find the words to describe the struggle.
So instead, we hold the pain in the body.
Healing needs movement.
Ideal, right?
He also said that this is not for physical mastery, but emotional liberation, and will be taught from a chair. OH YEAH! I LOVE CHAIR YOGA. (Basically, one of my primary motivations at any given moment is finding a place to sit. I will sit almost anywhere. But I digress -)
When is FREE Grief Yoga?
This gift is next Tuesday, April 9th, at 10am PT / 1pm ET.
It WILL be recorded and sent to everyone who registered.
Not Too Late to Start Practicing Good Mental Health
kellywilsonwrites
12 Mar, 2024
Good mental health is a series of skills that require practice.
Not all at once, mind you. Yikes!
One at a time, though? That’s do-able.
Welcome to the Mental Health “Clip Show”
Yeah, I’m on vacation, getting some rest – this is also a good mental health skill to practice.
And while I’m resting, I thought it would be a good time for a Clip Show.
If you are – ahem – *mature* like me, than you remember tuning into your favorite show and sometimes being treated to a series of clips that are loosely tied together by a theme or story. Otherwise known as a Clip Show, where clearly the writers needed a break. (Golden Girls have my favorite clip shows)
I don’t mind these types of things. I like re-watching and re-reading stuff for several reasons:
✅ It takes 5 to 7 repetitions to remember something well
✅ There’s stuff that I missed
✅ It feels comforting
✅ I enjoyed it the first time
✅ There’s no anxiety because I already know how it will end
✅ Our brains like repetition (i.e. young kids who like stories and songs over and over again)
In short, re-watching and re-reading and reviewing information is good. Storytelling is part of our biology.
Five Good Mental Health Directions to Explore
If you know me, then you know that I don’t recommend stuff that I haven’t tried and/or am already doing myself. So be comforted that I am learning right along with you, and that these are my *MVPs* (Most Valuable Practices) of good mental health.
#1 – What to do FIRST (keep in mind that a New Year can be any day you choose) – I’m still working on getting my colonoscopy and my appointment scheduled with my Lady Parts Doctor. Otherwise, though, I’m doing great with following up on my physical health and how it effects my mental health (it’s A LOT).
#2 – Two Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System – in other words, survival mode is not meant to be forever. Practicing regulating your nervous system is PRICELESS and avoids a lot of avoidable suffering.
#3 – Two Easy Ways to Practice Mindfulness – anywhere and anytime! This doesn’t need to be woo-woo or mysterious. Mindfulness is just getting comfortable connecting and regulating, and I offer two easy structured ways to get started.
The last year has been full of intense physical and emotional pain and processing.
In short, it started with what looked like a possible ruptured ovarian cyst or an appendix issue in late January 2023. I spent some time in the ER, got a CT scan, and was told that there was nothing wrong that they could see.
Oof. That was not what I expected. Also, it’s triggering for a trauma survivor to have intense pain and not feel seen or heard, or to know that something is wrong but to feel like there’s no help available. I talk more about this overall experience in Sometimes Getting Better Looks Like Getting Worse.
I Did Not Give Up
My next stop was my doctor, who diagnosed a lower back and sacrum issue. So then I headed to the chiropractor, and spent the next 6 months receiving frequent treatments to try and get my sacrum to relax its chokehold on all of the muscles and tendons and what not that attach there.
What happened? The pandemic and 2020. I went into (dis) Functional Freeze and comfort was first priority. And comfort feels super nice, so I stayed there a bit too long.
(“I just TANKED with the pandemic,” I said to my Dr.
To release the pain of the last four years…and longer. The pain throughout my life of abuse, trauma, and grief that was stored in my body.
To allow that emotional energy to move.
The Pain Kept Coming
After several months of working with the chiropractor and massage therapists and on my own with stretching and painful exercises, I still had trouble walking.
As recent as a week ago, I tried to go for a walk and my left side seized up. I was half a mile from my house and started sobbing. I might as well have been 10 miles from home.
I could barely walk, but I made it back, limping and crying.
WHAT IS THE FRICKIN DEAL? I thought. I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO HARD FOR A YEAR.
I was COMPLETELY infuriated. Frustrated and defeated and veering quickly toward hopelessness.
I Had an Appointment With My Doctor
In the meantime, I had a recent appointment with my doctor to follow up on my blood work.
My blood work was – in a word – ABYSMAL. Okay, not all of it – a lot of my levels are great. But the ones that – for me – really count? Those are not great.
And I’m at the highest weight I’ve been since forever, what with literally not being able to move for a year.
Guess what can make these numbers better?
Dietary changes.
BLERG.
“Absolutely 100% NO DAIRY ANYMORE,” my doctor said.
It’s important to note that my doctor and I have been through a lot together, including working on my dietary needs with my weird-o metabolic system and trauma background (which absolutely has effected how my body works).
I’ve been working getting dairy out of my diet for EIGHT YEARS, and I can confidently say that it was 75% out of my diet (which realistically is probably 60%. But now, it’s time to GET SERIOUS.)
I Allowed My Doctor to Boss Me
The thing about being in a lot of physical pain is that it made me REALLY OPEN to options. Including giving up dairy, and I just discovered the magic of sour cream a few short years ago.
I have a few dietary changes to make. No dairy. No cane sugar. More protein. More walking.
The thing about making changes is to go super slow. S-L-O-W.
This means recognizing what I already do and making ONE change at a time.
I started with NO DAIRY.
The Results Already
In one week, the scale is five pounds lighter than before. This is inflammation leaving.
The inflammation that dairy and sugar give my body make my blood pressure higher and makes my BODY CONSTANTLY HURT.
Now I’m not in pain…because I went 100% NO DAIRY and I felt better within days.
Okay But What’s My Point?
My point – my primary observation – is this.
I knew that my diet had gone a bit off the rails for the needs of my body.
I knew that I needed to eat better and that I would feel better.
I even had books and recipes and stuff that I had started in 2019, before the pandemic.
BUT I COULD NOT MAKE THESE CHANGES WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF MY DOCTOR.
I NEEDED her to tell me what to do. And, to a certain degree, how to do it.
And I also realized…THIS IS MY JOB, TOO.
You can KNOW all the things in the world, but sometimes, we really need somebody to hold our hand and TELL us what to do.
Try the Support of Trauma Recovery & Grief Recovery Coaching
The last few years – since I opened Map Your Healing Journey – has been a baptism by fire (oh you want to help people dig through their deepest wounds? You first, babe. xo, The Universe et al)
Marriage counseling is the latest adventure for teaching me how to resolve my *deepest* wounds.
People don’t talk about marriage counseling. The stigma is worse than getting individual counseling.
A therapist recently told me that couples go to marriage counseling 7 years too late.
Partly because we’re human, as humans tend to put things off until the discomfort outweighs denial. And partly we don’t see counseling as preventative; we don’t get help until there’s a crisis.
And partly we don’t go to (marriage) counseling because it’s really, really, really vulnerable.
So my husband brought up marriage counseling months ago. I said no.
Read that again: I said NO. The mental health professional who has worked through trauma and grief recovery stuff for two decades said…no.
He brought it up in December, as his therapist recommended it to help us manage conflict in an agreed-upon way (we are both…stubborn)
“NOPE,” I said again.
“NO?” Pete said. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I know!” I said. “I KNOW.”
I was in a panic. A deep, scary panic. Tears. Trauma responses galore.
After all of this time and practice, I’m pretty good (expert level) at figuring out what sh*t I need to own and deal with.
But this?
NO IDEA WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
But I agreed, deep scary panic and all, and we started meeting with an awesome couples counselor who is taking us through the Gottman method (which I love).
On top of some other things that were happening, however, this took me out, and by that I mean, I got physically ill. This is a clue to me that my nervous system has been overstretched. It takes a lot of time, energy, and patience to recover.
I spent that time recovering by thinking, feeling, being curious with myself, wrestling a few demons. I ate queso. I slept A LOT. I cried A LOT.
And still – nothing. No idea. The only thing I could figure was that I was grieving some buried stuff from my first marriage.
And this was true, except with this realization, my emotions and thought didn’t subside as usual in this process.
It’s been a month. A MONTH. Of being curious and patient and angry and panicky and crying and sleeping and reaching out to my friends and talking with therapists. I have been low-key MISERABLE trying to figure this out.
Finally, I got my answer.
In the middle of a conversation, words tumbled out of my mouth that I wasn’t thinking about or planning or whatever.
“…because my nervous system feels threatened,” I told our couples counselor.
“Tell me more about that,” she said.
“If we keep doing this marriage counseling thing, you’re both going to see who the *real* me is,” I said. “And you’re going to hate me.”
It was like a thousand lightbulbs going off over my head. Okay, a hundred. I littlelarry made myself speechless.
Relief. Tears. Relief. Relief. RELIEF.
A ROOT wound.
Buried DEEP.
Logically, I know that they’re not going to magically “discover” who I am all of a sudden and then not like me. I mean, I am transparent to a FAULT. People can (too often for my taste) read my face.
Logic doesn’t matter.
What I needed was a WITNESS.
And after I said those words yesterday – “If we keep doing this marriage counseling thing, you’re both going to see who the *real* me is and you’re going to hate me.” – both the couples counselor and my husband…
My husband in the Redwoods
Simply nodded. Maybe someone said, “That makes sense” or something, I’m not clear on that.
There was no argument or trying to change my mind or make me feel better or console me.
There was SPACE. There was TIME. There were WITNESSES to my pain. There was ROOM for my big feelings.
That’s what we need, when it comes down to it.
This has been a DIFFICULT period of baptism by fire. I practiced a lot of skills. I was VERY uncomfortable.
And I leveled up. I feel lighter. More at peace. Supported. Held. Loved.
Okay, stay with me, I’m serious! This is hilarious and confounding.
So Google provides analytics for every website if you want them, you just have to hook your website up to Google. Then you can go into your analytics account and see how people end up on your site.
I was in digital marketing and website design for 10-ish years, so I absolutely do this. The feedback is good and helps inform and guide website owners what to post and how to reach people. Information is power.
BUT(T), I also came across THIS valuable piece of information:
In the top three search phrases that brought people to my site, the NUMBER THREE spot was: emotions stored in anus.
Me: Um…whut?
I cannot figure out how people are ending up at Map Your Healing Journey using this search term. I’m not mad – if you know me at all, then you know I can talk about poop et all without blinking an eye (such as, How Emotions are Like Farts). But this was before any emotions-are-like-farts blog posts.
BUT(T) it DID get me thinking about – you guessed it – what emotions, exactly, manifest in the anus? Memories rushed in, and I‘m taking this opportunity to share them with you to determine, once and for all, if emotions are stored in the anus.
Trauma & Grief Hemorrhoids
ala 2012. I wore this shirt to my 20th high school reunion. Also, I still spill things down the front of me and stain my shirts all the time.
As I did some research and reflected on my own life, a few anus-centered experiences came to mind.
One of the most obvious signs of stress in my nervous system are hemorrhoids.
Now, hemorrhoids are significant in my life because when I was around 8 years old, I wanted to be a truck driver. Then, at around 10 years old, I found out that truck drivers sit so much that they need to use inflatable donut cushions, because – you guessed it – THEY GET HEMORRHOIDS.
Y’ALL, I GAVE UP MY TRUCK DRIVING DREAM BECAUSE OF HEMORRHOIDS. And ended up getting hemorrhoids anyway.
I tend to get them when there is a big change and not a lot of down time or rest to help process it. As trauma survivors, our minds and bodies have been disconnected. It takes time and effort to reconnect, to trust ourselves, to believe and honor our bodies and emotions. All of this requires down time and rest.
I used to be as busy as possible all the time. Working, not working at a job, be busy busy busy, because my nervous system didn’t know any different. And then, I would feel a ton of stress and get hemorrhoids.
In the last few years, though, I’ve settled down quite a bit. And guess what? No hemorrhoids. Even while maintaining a new small business I started during a global pandemic working with trauma and grief recovery.
Stress and the Anal Fissures
Ah, yes. Ye ol’ anal fissures.
I’ve experienced these once. Completely freaked me out to wipe-wipe and see bright red blood and have no idea what the heck was happening.
So I went to urgent care. In the entrance of this establishment, there was a poster that showed the name and picture of the newest doctor at that practice.
Whew-wy. He was a tall drink of water. Easy on the eyes.
I walked up to the front counter, and during check in, I pointed to the poster of this doctor and said, “Under no circumstances am I to see Dr. Beefcake over there. Absolutely not. My ego will not survive it.”
Fortunately, they had mercy on me. A different doctor diagnosed anal fissures.
Yes, I was under an enormous amount of stress at the time. My marriage was breaking up and my anti-depressants had stopped working, among other things. My body was simply responding to the enormous amount of trauma, grief, and emotions that I was trying to process. Again, without adequate down time or rest, and not really knowing how to settle my nervous system.
What was the point of not pooping for nine months? Okay first, I pooped every few days and it was wildly unpleasant.
My nervous system was in a Freeze state, and this was how the freeze state manifested physically.
Now that I know more about how trauma manifests, I can see the cycle of what I went through – shutting down to becoming activated and then back to pooping regularly – using the Polyvagal ladder.
First, I went through a profoundly re-traumatizing event in the summer of 2017. My nervous system went into dorsal vagal shutdown, aka the Freeze state, the bottom of the ladder. I was stuck there, and I didn’t know how to get out.
A PTSD trigger (this was before I had gone through PTSD Remediation in 2020 and learned how to tap into my vagus nerve) coupled with acupuncture helped thaw the freeze and kick me up the Sympathetic Nervous System, aka Fight or Flight. From there, I could more easily access Ventral Vagal, aka the Rest and Digest mode.
Food greatly affects our mental health. When I eat dairy, my depression symptoms shift into high gear, along with the other negative physical symptoms that I experience.
Including, pooping my pants at my colon’s whim. The anus apparently takes some time off, refusing to be an adequate gatekeeper.
So I avoid dairy, which allows my anus to work properly and helps me from getting so terribly depressed.
This Blog Post’s Caboose
Are emotions stored in the anus? One of my friends, who requested anonymity, replied, “Is that a polite way of saying “shove your emotional baggage up your a$$?”
Bwahahahahahaha, no. Not for me, anyway. If anything, I would like emotions freely expressed and not shoved anywhere.
So yeah, that’s my weird “are emotions stored in the anus” tale. This doesn’t count how I’ve noticed emotions gather in my butt muscles and hips, aside from the anus. Ah well, perhaps another blog post.
Until then, I hope my website will rank for the #1 spot when people search using the “are emotions stored in the anus” term. Because yes, yes they are.
Would You Like to Work with a Trauma & Recovery Coach with a sense of humor? Set up a free Discovery Call, and let’s chat!
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