After an encounter with someone this week, I was reminded of this quote about behaviors, feelings, and needs.

Behavior – Feelings – Need

“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom.” ~Ashleigh Warner

Behavior – Feelings – Need

Drop down into it – “it” is the questions about the behavior and the feelings. It will likely be uncomfortable. Sit with it. Let the questions and feelings roll around, and stand back and watch them.

Behavior – Feelings – Need

Be curious, not judgmental – there’s no sense in beating yourself up. If it worked, it would have worked already. Try saying, “I’m very curious about that.”

Behavior – Feelings – Need

Listen for what resonates – This takes a bit of time, maybe 5 minutes, maybe one hour, maybe a day or a week. But what needs to be heard will bubble up.

Behavior – Feelings – Need

Face the truth you find – CELEBRATE! You have honored and loved and cared for yourself by going through this process.

Now you can decide what is next. YOU are in charge of this process.

Go gently. Gentleness wins.

Love ya, mean it

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