Recently someone close to me said, “Sometimes getting better looks and feels like getting worse.”
I was intrigued by this statement, which resonated on a deep level. I let it roll around in my head and heart, very curious about it. Was this true?
This Certainly FEELS True
For several months, I’ve been dealing with a painful and confusing set of issues with the lower half of my body.
Last January, I went to my doctor as well as the ER due to a very painful spot in my right lower abdominal area. This is where the appendix is located, and this is also where I’ve felt ovarian cramps before due to cysts. Naturally, I thought I was having some kind of ovarian cyst issue or that my appendix was starting to request to check out of the Kelly Hotel.
Using humor as a coping mechanism, I joked around that this issue was the fault of The Thunder From Down Under. I had gone with a bachelorette party to Vegas to see this band of scruffy bum-shakers, and I claimed that their dancing was so good that it was now causing my ovaries to explode.
It Wasn’t The Thunder From Down Under
While in the ER, I got a CT scan, which showed that…
There was nothing wrong.
Whew, talk about a trauma response to that bit of news. That old wound of not being believed about my abuse surged up from my gut. This pain from my childhood trauma, intertwining with the pain in my midsection.
“But I’m in so much pain,” I said to the ER doc, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“The pain is not being caused by an emergency situation happening inside your body,” he said.
I nodded. I understood, and still wondered, well, what do I do NOW?
Working at Getting Better
After a day or two, I headed back into my doctor. Now that we knew my ovaries or appendix weren’t exploding, she felt comfortable poking around my midsection and back.
The midsection revealed nothing, so I flipped over. She began poking around my lower back, which was extremely tender to the touch.
“I think this abdominal issue is from this area in your lower back,” she said. Sure enough, with some stretching and careful pressure, the pain decreased.
To the chiropractor I went, who confirmed that the pain was the result of nerves trapped in a mass of tight muscle fibers that were being pinched. I went to a series of adjustments to help work it out.
But Wait! There’s More!
So I was done, right?
No.
Because my lower back wasn’t the problem. We were treating the symptom, not the cause. Which works for awhile, until it doesn’t.
For months, I noticed that I had relief in my midsection, but that the pain had moved into different areas.
My hip muscles were sore and tight, along with my – ahem – glute muscles. No amount or kind of stretching helped at all.
Pretty soon, I had pain not only in my hips, but my butt shelf, legs, ankles, and feet. My mobility began to decline. I could no longer walk comfortably and my balance was off.
I was LEGIT SCARED.
I kept going to doctors and massage therapists and chiropractors until…
It Got Worse, and That Was a Good Thing
I found a chiropractor who figured it out.
“This isn’t your lower back,” she said, “this problem is with your sacrum.”
I laid facedown on her table, and she poked around my sacrum, which was locked into place. “Hmm, no wonder you can’t move,” she said. She dug in, and I felt the muscles begin to relax.
After working with my back and legs, I sat up and she explained what was happening.
“All around your sacrum, muscles and ligaments attach at connection points,” she said. “During the pandemic, everything connecting to your sacrum got tighter and tighter and tighter. The sacrum is the point where everything is being pulled.”
“And that’s why I can feel everything being pulled in my legs and other parts of my body,” I said.
She nodded. “I’ve been seeing this a lot,” she said, “due to the pandemic lockdown in 2020.”
“Ah,” I said. That made a whole lotta sense. Now that we perceive more safety since 2020, our brains and bodies are starting to relax, expecting to process the trauma that we’ve been through.
Getting Better is Pain With a Purpose
Recently someone close to me said, “Sometimes getting better looks and feels like getting worse.”
The chiropractor has begun treating my sacrum and surrounding areas. As of right now, I’ve been getting treated for this for about a month.
The pain has been excruciating. The accompanying emotional flooding has been overwhelming. The pandemic hit me hard, and I stored a lot of emotion in my sacrum as it tightened.
But here’s the thing. We are treating the cause, not just the symptoms. And the resulting pain has a purpose. The pain has forced me to pay attention, to slow down, and to process so that I can move forward.
My body is grieving the pandemic experiences – the fear, trauma, grief, sadness – and learning how to function without those stored emotions, without being completely locked up. This is painful, but the pain leaves as the emotions are processed.
Trauma and grief show up when and how they want to. Treating the symptoms and not the cause works…until it doesn’t.
And I would say that this statement is pretty spot on ~
Sometimes getting better looks and feels like getting worse.
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