If – like me – you had kids around the year 2000, then chances are good that you KNOW Bob the Builder (“Can we fix it? Yes, we can!”)
I don’t talk about Bob the Builder at all in this video. However, this morning I was really taken with this post about BUILDING community, and in my swiss cheese trauma-menopause brain, I was CONVINCED that Bob’s catchphrase was, “Can we BUILD it? Yes, we can!”
Alas, it is NOT the catchphrase. But I am TOO FAR INTO THIS IDEA to change it now, soooooo…
My Year of Searching for Hope
I used them all, fighting the infection that threatened to take me down.
This strategy didn’t work.
Instead, once I leaned into the feelings of despair and hopelessness, the virus’s symptoms began to decrease.
Through this process, two important questions bubbled up to the surface:
- What is hope?
- Where do we turn when we feel there’s no more hope?
This is the 4th philosophy, question, and skill about reigniting hope.
Hope Quote: The Gift of Community
“Hope is like peace. It is not a gift from God. It is a gift only we can give one another.” – Elie Wiesel
This quote really stopped me in my tracks.
The culture in the United States is built on the idea that we can be completely independent and self-sufficient.
But here’s the deal – we are WIRED for community. We are WIRED as social beings. We are WIRED to need each other.
How many times have you felt lifted up from being with another person that you trust and love? We give each other those gifts.
And according to Mr. Wiesel, we can give the gift of hope to one another as we practice caring for each other in community.
Hope Question
How can I cultivate hope through building and maintaining community?
Because we are isolated so much in the American culture, it can feel overwhelming to build community – don’t worry, there’s more about that later in this post.
Hope Skill: Serve Others in Community
Spend time focusing on how you serve others and your community. Community can be the smallest group (such as a hyperlocal Buy Nothing group) to your family, neighborhood, church, school, business networking groups, advocacy groups, and more.
One extra challenge is to appreciate your contribution to your community simply by existing and not from anything you do.
In Very Brief Terms, Here’s Why to Build Community
Why? We don’t heal in a vacuum.
We need people.
The tough part of that is, if you come from childhood trauma (like me), than you *know* without a doubt that abuse happens in relationship.
The other side to that coin is that so does healing.
Healing happens in relationship.
Simply put, we need other people in order to change, grow, and heal.
Here’s what I want you to know when it comes to building community in your life:
- A variety of relationships help us heal up past wounds
- Healing happens in relationship
- We live in a society that does not value or provide community
- Building a strong community is up to us as individuals
How to Build Community
Fortunately, there are MANY ways to build community.
One of the easiest is to start saying YES to opportunities and invitations in the spirit of curiosity and openness. Sure, some things won’t work out, but you will have tried. And maybe you’ll get a good story or experience out of it.
Five Questions to Consider
I don’t know about you, but I am not one to go up to someone, introduce myself, and then – blammo – have a community.
I’m the one in the corner, playing with the cat, watching everyone and trying to work up the nerve to have a conversation.
In that spirit, I’ve found that it’s easier for me to build a community of trust with people using a common interest or task.
The following questions can help narrow down where you might start!
Question 1: Who Do You Know and What Do You Have in Common?
Start with something you want to learn or find out. Find out who else you know who wants to learn that thing, and invite them to join you.
Question 2: What’s Your BIGGEST Problem?
I’ve built a good portion of my community by starting with problems I needed to solve. These solutions can often be found in groups. One of the first groups I attended was Seeking Safety, which helped me manage PTSD symptoms before I got rid of them.
Question 3: What Means A LOT To You?
Both of my children were born several weeks premature. They both spent weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. One memorable thing that I noticed was that the NICU allows volunteers to give babies valuable touch time. Since that time of my life, I’ve wanted to volunteer in the NICU at a local hospital in my city. I will always want to do this. It is a cause close to my heart. And when the time is right for me, I’ll be there, and I’ll build community with other people who are there and giving back in this capacity.
Stay Scared and Local
Question 4: What SCARES You?
This reminds me of every conference I’ve ever attended, class I’ve taken, and speech I’ve given.
I’m talking about that good kind of scared, the excitement kind of scared, the type where you sense the possibilities ahead of you, and you are taking a chance on YOU.
One of the many valuable things I learned that an advantage of doing something that scares you is that EVERYONE ELSE IS SCARED TOO. This makes relationships and community that much easier to build.
Question 5: What’s Happening in Your Community?
Find out who’s already doing the stuff that lights you up and join them. Want to save cats? Feed the homeless? Read to kids? Somebody is likely doing this near you already, and would love to build community with you.
Say it with me: Can we build it? YES, WE CAN!
Feeling Hopeless and Need Community? Let’s Chat!
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