A few years ago, I decided to stop fighting my fancy holiday depression. I mean, it’s better than it ever has been.
In my 20s and 30s, I would get very, very sick around the holidays. I’m talking fevers, exhaustion, bacterial infections that lasted for weeks, barely able to function kind of sick.
Remember how the body keeps the score? Yep, that’s what this is. Because I experienced my childhood sexual abuse around the holidays, my body and brain struggle during this time of year. Not nearly as much, for sure, because I rarely get sick during these months anymore. This is a victory!
Still, I have some lingering fancy holiday depression, and today I’m sharing my secrets for navigating it.
Don’t Fight It
Okay, first let me tell you what I DON’T mean. I don’t mean “fighting depression” with toxic positivity or denial or pushing through your regular to-do list while you feel dead inside.
What I mean is, no more avoiding, negotiating, running, fighting, shame, or self-loathing. No more never ending hamster wheels in my brain about how I “should” be this or that. No more time lost beating myself up about something I cannot control and is, quite frankly, not my fault. Children don’t sexually abuse themselves. I didn’t give myself major depressive disorder.
Just plain ol’ Radical Acceptance.
I love Radical Acceptance. It feels like the Serenity Prayer – accept the things I cannot change. I have tried to change my fancy holiday depression for many, many years, and I finally came to the conclusion a few years ago that I cannot change it.
With acknowledgement comes peace.
Depression makes life more difficult during the holidays. Facts. Full stop. No amount of “good vibes” or wishing or willing it denial is going to change that.
Knowledge is power. Take advantage of it.
Back to Basics During Holiday Depression
I recently had a session with my therapist where I said, “I have an awesome life and everything is going well and I’m doing ALL THE THINGS, and I still feel shitty.”
“You do ALL THE THINGS not to feel better, but to keep yourself from feeling worse,” she replied.
Keep doing the boring stuff. Rest, take meds and supplements, eat nourishing and delicious food, and move your body. And HYDRATE.
Don’t overthink it. This is what THIS particular routine is for, because we just don’t have that many executive functions online during depressive episodes.
What are Decreased Executive Functions?
One of my signs (red flags) of depression is simply not being able to make decisions. Executive functioning is A Thing, and it can wear out quickly.
Executive Functioning is often talked about in the world of ADHD, but they absolutely deserve recognition in the world of Trauma, PTSD, and Grief Recovery.
Trauma, PTSD, and Grief all mess with our executive functioning.
What are Executive Functions? These are a set of skills that help us regulate our behavior and get things done.
Examples of Executive Functions
- Planning ahead
- Acting intentionally
- Regulating emotions
- Short term or longer term working memory
- Transitioning between tasks that require different brainpower
- Delaying gratification
- Thinking creatively
- Filtering distractions
- Following directions
- Managing time
- Starting and finishing tasks
Here’s more on the role of Executive Functions from a video about brain development by Harvard University.
Therefore, Cut Down Decisions
Okay, so Executive Functioning is tough – what can we do?
Cut down the amount of decisions – as many as possible – during any given day. Examples of what I do include:
- I eat the same things for breakfast and lunch. That way, I only have dinner to think about.
- Make dinners with a super simple meal plan, same thing each week on the same day.
- For clothes, my lifestyle allows for athletic and casual clothes, and all of them match. I wear fun Fall and Christmas t-shirts during this time of year, and that also helps.
- Do laundry on the same days each week, and same with the other chores. Or have someone else in your home pick up more chores for a while.
- Shop for groceries with the same or a similar list each week.
- Exercise in a scheduled group or class.
- Brush teeth and shower and all that at the same time.
This can be as relaxed or structured as you need. In general, the less that you have to think about, think through, or decide, the better. This gives your brain a rest and allows for more sophisticated executive functions.
Slow Down
We are not making plans, except plans to rest. (By “we,” I mean me and all of my inner children, lol)
Consider this a time in your year to practice spontaneity. Depression is the best way to try going with the flow.
I make plans for things that I *absolutely want* to do. For example, I LOVE Christmas shopping and getting all of the snacks together for time with family and friends, so that is what I concentrate on. Also, I keep my Solstice tradition every year, because it’s very meaningful to me.
As far as other stuff, I do my best. Parties sound fun, but I might not go. I drive myself places during the month of December so that I can leave anytime I need to. Extra snacks and water are placed at work, in my car, in my purse, etc. And I watch the Great British Baking Show…A LOT.
Plan-making is generally delegated to others, made with the understanding that everything is fluid up to 20 min before the event, and/or gets left behind. And sometimes, I want to do Christmas stuff out of the blue! That is the wild fun of depression! (insert sarcasm)
No matter what, though – You deserve to rest and have space and time to feel what you feel.
All of these secrets to navigating fancy holiday depression have been learned the hard way. I would love to hear how you navigate your own holiday experiences.
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