Several years ago, my teens were involved in the local Halloween haunted house, a fundraiser for the community.

“Hey, Mom, you should come see me at the haunted house,” joked my 15-year-old manchild.

“People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder don’t visit haunted houses,” I said with a smile.

He did, of course, know this, and we joked about it because humor was my primary coping skill. And while I joke around about feeling stressed during Halloween, I’m very serious about how this time of year has an effect on PTSD, trauma and grief.

PTSD and Trauma & Halloween

Halloween can be a tough time for individuals with PTSD and trauma symptoms. While there are parts of this holiday that I enjoy – the decorating for the season, spending time with friends and family, candy – there’s stuff that sets of my nervous system and makes life more difficult.

While Halloween can be an innocent time of costumes and a wide variety of free candy, there’s a celebration of the darkness associated with October 31st. The blood and gore and jumpscares and hauntings and demons and scary movies. All of these can set off our PTSD symptoms, some of which include:

Hypervigilance – Feeling like you have to be constantly “on guard” is exhausting. The constant adrenaline and stress hormones are harmful after long periods of time, and it can be really difficult to come down from the Flight-Fight-Freeze response. People at the door triggers my anxiety, especially as my dogs won’t stop barking at the trick or treaters.

The Startle Reflex – I have the startle reflex when someone comes around a corner on a regular day, so forget people dressing up in scary costumes and losing all sense of personal space. Jumpscares are the worst on a good day.

Sensitivity to Sound – I am highly sensitive to noise, and my threshold for tuning it out is getting lower as I get older. I’m also noticing that my sensitivity extends to other stimuli – lights, people, smells – so I have to closely monitor what’s happening around me and when I need a break.

Grief & Halloween

I recently saw a post about how tough Halloween can be after a death of a loved one. I know how hard it can be with a PTSD diagnosis and a history of trauma, but I had not considered the grief aspect until now.

There are a few layers when considering Halloween from a grief angle. The first is factoring in any memories of this time of year. As my kids grew out of elementary school and into junior high and high school, I grieved the family time that we had together every October.

Figuring out and picking out costumes during September and October. Going to the pumpkin patch and to friends’ parties. Watching The Great Pumpkin and eating pumpkin seeds. Our family heading out on Halloween night, all of us in costume, greeting neighbors in the chill night air. Then there was the gathering of the neighborhood kids in our living room, spreading out their candy for what I called “The Trade!”

All heartwarming memories. All grief of the time and experiences that we will never get back.

The Grief of Recent Loss

Another layer of grief and Halloween is dealing with ghosts and cemeteries and all of the other things that we generally make fun of during this traditional holiday. All of that could seem – to put it plainly – NOT FUN. Especially if a loved one has recently died – suddenly the grim reaper may not seem all that entertaining.

Another layer beyond that is the changing of the seasons and the inevitable darkness that literally gets earlier every day until December 21st. It’s hard to face outer darkness when you feel that way inside. Plus it’s cold and rainy, which can feel lonely instead of cozy. If you’re in the thick of grief, Halloween may not feel all that great.

Making a Halloween Plan

It can be difficult to simply remain calm during primetime Halloween trick-or-treating hours or during holiday parties, especially if your home is your safe space. Making a plan to stay calm and manage our nervous systems with this personalized trigger toolkit is an act of self-care. Here are some strategies I use to keep from losing my sh*t during Halloween.

Don’t Go – As I told my son, people with PTSD don’t go to haunted houses. I rarely go to Halloween parties. I go to a less popular pumpkin patch when it’s not crowded, because crowds add stress. I don’t like scary movies, so I don’t watch them. But I DO eat candy.

Plan a Date – This date doesn’t have to be with another person; you can simply take yourself out for a special date. Go out to a restaurant for a couple of hours and then to the movies. Book a massage. Get your nails done, especially a pedicure. Head to the grocery store and run other errands. Also, eat candy.

Make Your Own Noise – Hide in your room and put on noise-canceling headphones. Listen to the silence or play music. Watch a movie with the sound coming through your headphones. Turn on a really loud fan or a white noise machine to help drown out other noise. Don’t forget the candy.

Hang Out With a Friend – Preferably a friend who lives in the country where people don’t go trick or treating. Bring your favorite candy.

Get Involved in a Project – Using your hands and brain can provide a distraction from anxiety and helps regulate the nervous system. Choose a favorite type of project to do to keep your mind occupied, preferably one that requires a lot of concentration or has several steps to keep you focused.

Like most things in life, Halloween can be both joyous and difficult. A little planning now can make for an easier Halloween.

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