The last year has been full of intense physical and emotional pain and processing.
In short, it started with what looked like a possible ruptured ovarian cyst or an appendix issue in late January 2023. I spent some time in the ER, got a CT scan, and was told that there was nothing wrong that they could see.
Oof. That was not what I expected. Also, it’s triggering for a trauma survivor to have intense pain and not feel seen or heard, or to know that something is wrong but to feel like there’s no help available. I talk more about this overall experience in Sometimes Getting Better Looks Like Getting Worse.
I Did Not Give Up
My next stop was my doctor, who diagnosed a lower back and sacrum issue. So then I headed to the chiropractor, and spent the next 6 months receiving frequent treatments to try and get my sacrum to relax its chokehold on all of the muscles and tendons and what not that attach there.
What happened? The pandemic and 2020. I went into (dis) Functional Freeze and comfort was first priority. And comfort feels super nice, so I stayed there a bit too long.
(“I just TANKED with the pandemic,” I said to my Dr.
“Nobody is ‘normal’ since 2020,” she said.)
I worked with my body over the Spring and Summer and into the Fall, retraining the muscles in my abdominals, lower back, hips and legs to NOT hold the weight of the world and to release stored trauma.
To soften. To loosen.
To release the pain of the last four years…and longer. The pain throughout my life of abuse, trauma, and grief that was stored in my body.
To allow that emotional energy to move.
The Pain Kept Coming
After several months of working with the chiropractor and massage therapists and on my own with stretching and painful exercises, I still had trouble walking.
As recent as a week ago, I tried to go for a walk and my left side seized up. I was half a mile from my house and started sobbing. I might as well have been 10 miles from home.
I could barely walk, but I made it back, limping and crying.
WHAT IS THE FRICKIN DEAL? I thought. I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO HARD FOR A YEAR.
I was COMPLETELY infuriated. Frustrated and defeated and veering quickly toward hopelessness.
I Had an Appointment With My Doctor
In the meantime, I had a recent appointment with my doctor to follow up on my blood work.
My blood work was – in a word – ABYSMAL. Okay, not all of it – a lot of my levels are great. But the ones that – for me – really count? Those are not great.
And I’m at the highest weight I’ve been since forever, what with literally not being able to move for a year.
Guess what can make these numbers better?
Dietary changes.
BLERG.
“Absolutely 100% NO DAIRY ANYMORE,” my doctor said.
It’s important to note that my doctor and I have been through a lot together, including working on my dietary needs with my weird-o metabolic system and trauma background (which absolutely has effected how my body works).
I’ve been working getting dairy out of my diet for EIGHT YEARS, and I can confidently say that it was 75% out of my diet (which realistically is probably 60%. But now, it’s time to GET SERIOUS.)
I Allowed My Doctor to Boss Me
The thing about being in a lot of physical pain is that it made me REALLY OPEN to options. Including giving up dairy, and I just discovered the magic of sour cream a few short years ago.
I have a few dietary changes to make. No dairy. No cane sugar. More protein. More walking.
The thing about making changes is to go super slow. S-L-O-W.
This means recognizing what I already do and making ONE change at a time.
I started with NO DAIRY.
The Results Already
In one week, the scale is five pounds lighter than before. This is inflammation leaving.
The inflammation that dairy and sugar give my body make my blood pressure higher and makes my BODY CONSTANTLY HURT.
Now I’m not in pain…because I went 100% NO DAIRY and I felt better within days.
Okay But What’s My Point?
My point – my primary observation – is this.
I knew that my diet had gone a bit off the rails for the needs of my body.
I knew that I needed to eat better and that I would feel better.
I even had books and recipes and stuff that I had started in 2019, before the pandemic.
BUT I COULD NOT MAKE THESE CHANGES WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF MY DOCTOR.
I NEEDED her to tell me what to do. And, to a certain degree, how to do it.
And I also realized…THIS IS MY JOB, TOO.
You can KNOW all the things in the world, but sometimes, we really need somebody to hold our hand and TELL us what to do.
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