Map Your Healing Journey

The good thing about popular culture is that I see a lot of jokes about deep breathing, square breathing, all the breathing.

This is great! Once something becomes a joke, then I know that it’s reached a certain level of cultural consciousness.

The bad thing about this is that “Did you try square breathing?” can quickly become a stereotype, and stereotypes lead to contempt.

I (FOR SURE) do not want to hold any nervous system exercises in contempt. They have all been helpful to me. There is no ONE “Right Way” to heal or process through trauma and grief.

So what if you want to go beyond deep breathing in your trauma and grief processing?

Have I got a deal for you! This post talks about an exercise you can do – any parts of it at any time, or use these suggestions as steps, as they are very similar to the 4 S’s – that can help take you into deeper and more consistent nervous system regulation.

1. Acknowledge the emotions that are happening.

Looking down at a wood dock and a metal thing that boats tie up to. Next to the metal thing is a welcome mat with the words, "Welcome on Board," along with a pair of feet wearing red Converse shoes.

When I first started my trauma and grief recovery journey about 20 years ago, I did not know how to connect with my emotions, much less acknowledge, name, process, and communicate them.

Learning how to acknowledge emotions is a Big Deal.

There can be one overwhelming emotion or several emotions. They can be one type (the anger family) or completely conflicting emotions, including opposites! These can be new emotions that are kicking up old wounds.

There’s no arguing with emotions. Welcome them in. They are messengers, and they need our attention.

Name all of them. Use a feelings wheel if you need to.

Say them out loud if you can, or write them in longhand or on your phone: “I feel __________.” Your brain trusts your voice and your handwriting and helps your body and brain process.

Practicing acknowledgement is A HUGE step. Every effort counts!

2. Move the energy.

An image of two friends, sitting on a bench, turned toward each other and sharing. Bench is one a lookout point of a lake with mountains.

Emotions are energy, and they can get stuck in your body. Movement can be talking, any kind of physical movement (stretching to walking to running), writing, singing, dancing, drawing – whatever feels good to you and works for you.

If you have a hard time moving the energy by yourself, congratulations! You are human!

Trauma and grief need a witness.

I often need another person’s help to move emotional energy. I talk with my therapist, colleagues, friends, husband (not in that order LOL). Professionals like acupuncturists and massage therapists help A TON when I feel stuck.

And this is part of what I do for a living – I help people move emotional energy, processing it so that we can integrate our experiences and be our authentic selves.

3. Re-parent your inner kid(s).

This idea is becoming more popular with Internal Family Systems, which talks about how we all have different parts of us that need different things. These parts – in their efforts to keep us safe – can compete with and shut down other parts. The work is learning how to listen to and respond to the different parts of ourselves, especially the wounded ones.

Re-parenting your inner kid(s) is partly acknowledging that these are parts of ourselves that need something. Our work is finding out what they need, deep down, underneath the emotions and feelings.

How do we do this? Sitting with emotions and facing what’s underneath them. Kind of like cleaning a nasty wound on our bodies. It hurts to dig out the infected parts and put medicine on it and bandage it, but then the wound can heal.

As you sit with the emotions – which is difficult and painful at times – I encourage curiosity. Some questions to ask include:

*Are these emotions from old wounds, new wounds, or both?
*Can you identify these old wounds?
*When you think about these wounds, what images, thoughts, memories, smells, sounds (and more) come up?
*What ages are the parts of you that are feeling?
*What kinds of soothing words or actions (or snacks) do these parts need?
*How would you treat a child or an animal who was hurt and feeling strong emotions? How can you treat yourself in similar ways?

The Truth About Emotions (aka Big Feelings)

Big Feelings can happen whenever and wherever they want to. There may be a discernible trigger…and there may not. There might be a memory or an event you can point to and…there may not.

Practicing these deeper strategies with openness and curiosity will help build a sense of safety within yourself as you navigate through trauma and grief.