The Drama Triangle. Ugh. But good.
When I first took a look at the Drama Triangle, I found it triggering. I had a particular aversion to the word, “victim,” though.
Most of the “triggering” part was shame. I worked through it and realized that we’ve all played parts in the triangle. The Drama Triangle is simply an observational model that shows patterns that we have experienced and can experience in dysfunctional relationships of all kinds, from family situations to the workplace and beyond.
The Drama Triangle was developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. To put it simply, there are three roles: Persecutor, Victim, and Rescuer. In each situation where the Drama Triangle plays out, each person can (and often does) play different roles.
If you were raised in an abusive or alcoholic or dysfunctional family, these roles will look very familiar. The good news is that – slowly and consistently – we CAN change these patterns. One way to do this is to apply the alternative model, The Empowerment Dynamic.
Here are valuable resources to help explain the Drama Triangle and how it plays out, along with strategies to work your way out of your own Drama Triangles.
Like all trauma work, this is slow, slow, slow and worth it. Go easy on yourself as you explore this information.
Intro to the Drama Triangle
This is an excellent (dare I say, fun?) intro to the Drama Triangle.
Here is a more in-depth look at the different roles in this article, which states:
While studying the way people interact, Karpman realised that each of us has a “script” for the story that we live out in our lives.
He called these stories, “life narratives.”
And he said that if we can explore and understand these narratives, and their scripts, they will help us understand the dynamics that play out in long-term relationships, as well as interactions in the moment.
Karpman’s Drama Triangle explains that we behave in ways that enable our scripts…
https://www.mygrow.me/the-drama-triangle/
A Little Bit More Info
This video focuses on the workplace, which can provide a bit of space to understand how the roles play out without getting into more personal family dynamics. This guy speeds through it, though – it might take a few views to get what he’s saying.
Breaking Out of the Drama Triangle is a more concise and helpful article, with an acronym (FOG) to help stay focused in Drama Triangle situations. Here’s a quote:
Here are some steps to take to avoid contributing to unhealthy interactions with others:
https://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2016/01/breaking-out-of-the-drama-triangle#3
- Realize that you are repeating a pattern. Stand back and observe your pattern. Most likely you are being triggered in some way, or manipulated by someone close to you. In order to change the pattern, you need first to identify it. Once you are aware of your part, play a different tune. Sing a new song. Don’t do the same thing you have always done. Take a contrary action.
There are six more steps to consider in the article, found here.
A Lot More Info
You can go pretty deep into Drama Triangle dynamics. For example, this video covers how trauma (and specifically codependency) factors in with the Drama Triangle, which can apply to those of us doing trauma recovery work.
While going through this information, keep in mind that the only person you can change is…yourself. Diving into the Empowerment Dynamic can help make that happen.
Here’s a quote from the article:
is the complete opposite of the Drama Triangle.
The interdependence between the roles, rather than unhealthy with scripts that keep the characters stuck in their roles, introduces healthy scripts that invite the characters to embrace a positive dynamic.
TED introduces a positive approach to life’s challenges.
https://www.mygrow.me/the-empowerment-dynamic/
In addition to the article above (found here), The Empowerment Dynamic offers the following cheat sheet:
Deep in the Weeds of Karpman’s Process
Okay, for those of you who want a rabbit trail to end all rabbit trails about this subject, read on…
When I was in college, there was a music professor who was a legit genius. I mean LEGIT.
He rode a bike all the time, before it was A Thing. When riding this bike, he put his stuff in the front basket and wore a bright yellow poncho. When we saw him around town, students would sing the Bad Witch tune from The Wizard of Oz (yes, we were 20-something A-holes in the mid-1990s).
One of the things that blew all our minds when sitting in class was that he would be giving a brilliant lecture and then…he would just…FART.
Sometimes more than once. Out in the open. Zero acknowledgement.
When this first happened, we would look around at each other, silently asking, “Did that just happen?” while stifling giggles. We waited for embarrassment or chagrin or *something.*
Nope, nothing. Just a farting genius.
So when I say “Deep in the Woods of Karpman’s Process,” I think he was a genius like this who farted whenever he wanted and gave no effs what anyone thought.
You can access Karpman’s Drama Triangle (et al) document here.
Resources
There are a couple of highly rated resources out there in paperback, kindle, and audio book formats.
The first one is The Power of Ted. Here’s part of the description:
As you walk with David, the main character, he shares how he is feeling victimized by life. Through serendipity he meets some wise guides, Ted and Sophia, who show David how he can move from feeling like a Victim to being a Creator of his own life. The Power of TED* offers a powerful alternative to the Karpman Drama Triangle with its roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) provides the antidote roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach and a more positive approach to life’s challenges. The teaching story provides a guide for learning and growing through the challenges we all face in our lives.
Amazon
Another favorite is Drama Free. Here’s part of the description:
In this empowering guide, licensed therapist and bestselling relationship expert Nedra Glover Tawwab offers clear advice for identifying dysfunctional family patterns and choosing the best path to breaking the cycle and moving forward. Covering topics ranging from the trauma of emotional neglect, to the legacy of addicted or absent parents, to mental health struggles in siblings and other relatives, and more, this clear and compassionate guide will help you take control of your own life—and honor the person you truly are.
Amazon
I bought both of them, and they read to me like great companions, with the same focus with different angles.
Any other helpful resources about The Drama Triangle? Let me know here by email or through the provided form.
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